SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—Unbeknownst to all but the Daily Sun’s four dedicated readers, Cornell Football suffered a loss last Saturday in their opening match against Colgate University. However, the team was “comforted” by the “complete lack of interest or attention from the student body,” said head coach Dan Swanstrom. As a result, players were dismayed to learn…
SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—In keeping with some of their fondest college memories, members of Cornell’s class of 2020 were thrilled to learn that many events originally planned for the weekend’s in-person homecoming had been canceled or made virtual at the last minute, much as they recalled the latter days of their college lives. “It’s exactly how I…
SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—In a closed door meeting last Thursday prior to Cornell Football’s 8-14 homecoming loss to Georgetown, several of the team’s seniors hatched a plan to lose the game on purpose. “This is our last chance to play a homecoming football game in front of our classmates,” said Cornerback Erik Urbon ‘20, “It wouldn’t feel…
PI DELTA PI FRATERNITY—Continuing his annual forty-year-long tradition, John Cohen ‘78 returned to Cornell this past weekend to skip the Homecoming football game and drink until he passed out. Cohen began his participation in Saturday’s festivities by waking up at 7am to shotgun three beers, just as he had done every Homecoming since his freshman…
By a member of the Class of 2017 Ah, to be back at my good ol’ alma mater, the beautiful campus on the hill, far above Cayuga’s waters. Oh what fond memories I have of this place! I must say, though, this campus is really not what it used to be five months ago. Look…
SCHOELLKOPF — With a nail-biting 27 to 13 win over Yale University, the Cornell campus lost a humongous bet of collectively over $6,000,000 at the Homecoming game this afternoon. “I can’t believe I lost that much money,” said Daniel Nogroski ’18, who expected a 10:1 payout on Cornell losing and planned to spend his winnings on a…
A message from the Cornell Concert Commission We, the Cornell Concert Commission, regret to inform the Cornell community that the jerkface artist we scheduled to play at the homecoming concert we definitely planned canceled on us. We are as shocked as you are. We were very excited to announce that this very famous artist that…
BARTON HALL – In excited anticipation for their Saturday night concert, reports indicate that the indie-electronic band Passion Pit has been pouring over their own music nonstop in an attempt to learn the lyrics to their songs. “Wow, we’re pretty hard to understand, aren’t we? There’s no way we’re going to be able to sing…
