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February 20, 2026
  • “Unfortunately, We Had Many Qualified Candidates,” Sings A Capella Group At 2am Outside Your Window
  • Coefficient of Kinetic Friction Between You and Gray Slush Says Eat Shit Nerd
  • Bing Chilling? February Break Spent Celebrating Chinese New Year In Auspicious Binghamton Getaway
  • “Close Enough” Match Pairs Hundreds of Proximity-Based Situationships
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  • “Unfortunately, We Had Many Qualified Candidates,” Sings A Capella Group At 2am Outside Your Window

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • Coefficient of Kinetic Friction Between You and Gray Slush Says Eat Shit Nerd

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Bing Chilling? February Break Spent Celebrating Chinese New Year In Auspicious Binghamton Getaway

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • “Close Enough” Match Pairs Hundreds of Proximity-Based Situationships

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Trendy Multicolored Scarf No Match for Arctic Windchill

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Hazing Club Suspended For Paperwork Issue

    1 week ago1 week ago
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move-in

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“This Hotel Is Almost as Nice as the Ones You’ll Inherit,” Says Hotelie Mother Visiting Statler

Nooz Staff4 years ago4 years ago02 mins

After lodging in the Stater Hotel during move-in, Dr. Justine Quality-Inn Ph.D. ’94, mother of Alex Quality-Inn ’24, informed her daughter that the hotel was “not bad for Upstate,” but was no match for the hotels Alex will one day inherit. “This is fine, I guess,” says Alex. “My mom told me I should expect…

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11th Plague of Egypt Descends Upon Command Strip Section of Bed Bath & Beyond

Nooz Staff6 years ago02 mins

BED BATH AND BEYOND—Ithaca’s own Bed Bath & Beyond was struck this past week by a new, never-before-seen curse from the heavens above. This eleventh plague wreaked havoc on the aisles dedicated to command strips as well as their off-brand alternatives. “It was horrifying, I’d never seen anything like it,” said Cashier Josephine Selter  “So…

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Incoming Freshman Lays Out Outfits For Every Day of First Year

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

MADISON, WI—After emptying her closets and pulling out suitcases in preparation for move-in day, incoming freshman Becca Miller laid out outfits on her bed for every day of her first year at Cornell. “I know I’ll have so many other things on my mind, like moving into my dorm, figuring out where my classes are,…

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OP-ED: Will You Be My Best Friend for the Next Four Years?

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago04 mins

By an incoming freshman Hey guys! My name is Owen and I’m in the Cornell University Class of 2021! Just thought I’d introduce myself before move-in. I’m hoping to make a new friend or two, or maybe actually find my best friend who will stick with me for the next four years and then for…

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