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October 14, 2025
  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
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  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words

    5 days ago
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Flipped Classroom Professor Not Sure What’s Going On, Asks If You Have Any Idea

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Senior Still in Model UN Working Towards Killer Common App Resume

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
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move-in

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“This Hotel Is Almost as Nice as the Ones You’ll Inherit,” Says Hotelie Mother Visiting Statler

Nooz Staff3 years ago3 years ago02 mins

After lodging in the Stater Hotel during move-in, Dr. Justine Quality-Inn Ph.D. ’94, mother of Alex Quality-Inn ’24, informed her daughter that the hotel was “not bad for Upstate,” but was no match for the hotels Alex will one day inherit. “This is fine, I guess,” says Alex. “My mom told me I should expect…

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11th Plague of Egypt Descends Upon Command Strip Section of Bed Bath & Beyond

Nooz Staff6 years ago02 mins

BED BATH AND BEYOND—Ithaca’s own Bed Bath & Beyond was struck this past week by a new, never-before-seen curse from the heavens above. This eleventh plague wreaked havoc on the aisles dedicated to command strips as well as their off-brand alternatives. “It was horrifying, I’d never seen anything like it,” said Cashier Josephine Selter  “So…

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Incoming Freshman Lays Out Outfits For Every Day of First Year

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

MADISON, WI—After emptying her closets and pulling out suitcases in preparation for move-in day, incoming freshman Becca Miller laid out outfits on her bed for every day of her first year at Cornell. “I know I’ll have so many other things on my mind, like moving into my dorm, figuring out where my classes are,…

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OP-ED: Will You Be My Best Friend for the Next Four Years?

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago04 mins

By an incoming freshman Hey guys! My name is Owen and I’m in the Cornell University Class of 2021! Just thought I’d introduce myself before move-in. I’m hoping to make a new friend or two, or maybe actually find my best friend who will stick with me for the next four years and then for…

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