Yesterday, Lindsay and I went grocery shopping at Wegmans together, so clearly we are in an incredibly serious relationship. When I first met her, I had no idea we would end up being soulmates. We were doing childish things like kissing in private, talking about things that weren’t us, and living independent lives. But now,…
NEW YORK INTERSTATE ROUTE 81–Noting the increasingly withered and gray vegetation outside the car window, Sarah Pewter ‘20 remarked to her friends that they must be nearing Ithaca on their return trip from Fall Break. “Look at all the trees in that field that are all shriveled up and don’t have any leaves.” said Pewter,…
CLARA DICKSON HALL—After having met so many people since arriving at college, Michelle Taylor ‘22 is reportedly dying to return to her hometown this Fall Break and tell her parents all about the new college friends who won’t be a part of her life in two months’ time. “I’m so excited to tell them about…
ITHACA COMMONS—Following this weekend’s tremendously successful Applefest, city officials are looking forward to similar turnout for next weekend’s onion-themed festivities. Concessions will include “onion cider, onion mac and cheese, onion sauce, onion donuts, and sweet, sweet onion pies!” according to Brandon Wiseman, chairperson of the New York State Onion Association. The association stepped up to…
ARTS QUAD—On Wednesday morning, September 26th, the statue of the university’s founder and namesake, Ezra Cornell, was found unconscious after a cardiac arrest. He was reported dead at 5:57am. Mikaela Kolb ‘19 was the first to discover Ezra Cornell’s statue. “I was walking through the Arts Quad when I noticed a figure in the distance….
See that girl over there? That’s my freshman roommate…I think. Yeah. She was my roommate from freshman year in Mews. She had the key to all my personal belongings for an entire year, and I’m… I wanna say, like, 80% sure that’s her. Okay, that might not be her. I’m really leaning toward thinking, yes,…
By Former Professor Brian Wansink After years of being a legendary celebrity in the world of food science research, I was still at the top of my game here at Cornell, basking in the glory of my decades of hard work. Sure, I fudged a few numbers here and there, and may or may not…
PI DELTA PI FRATERNITY—Continuing his annual forty-year-long tradition, John Cohen ‘78 returned to Cornell this past weekend to skip the Homecoming football game and drink until he passed out. Cohen began his participation in Saturday’s festivities by waking up at 7am to shotgun three beers, just as he had done every Homecoming since his freshman…
After a short-lived stint as the hot topic on campus, Pocket Points, an app that gives students rewards for turning off their phones in class, has quickly faded out of the public eye and therefore does not warrant any kind of editorial response from us here at CU Nooz. The app offered students deals and…
OXLEY EQUESTRIAN CENTER—After Cornell’s massively successful polo coach was mysteriously retired, Cornell athletics has been speculating about who might be next; the very decorated croquet coach Victor Swarthmore ‘79 in particular has been shaking in his patent leather boots. Indeed, the croquet team’s famously prestigious reputation, like polo’s, might not be enough to save him…
