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Friday, October 16, 2026
Throbbing Hangover Headache Met With 7:45 A.M. Clocktower Rendition of “Here Comes The Sun”
“You Know, Too Much Sleep Is Actually Bad For You,” Student Tells Person-Shaped Bush
“Yeah I Was in the Hood,” Says Rich White Biology Student Misleadingly Talking About Fume Hood
Inconsiderate Asshole With No Concept of Personal Space Sits Within 5 Seats of You in Lecture Hall
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Throbbing Hangover Headache Met With 7:45 A.M. Clocktower Rendition of “Here Comes The Sun”
“You Know, Too Much Sleep Is Actually Bad For You,” Student Tells Person-Shaped Bush
“Yeah I Was in the Hood,” Says Rich White Biology Student Misleadingly Talking About Fume Hood
Inconsiderate Asshole With No Concept of Personal Space Sits Within 5 Seats of You in Lecture Hall
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • CU NoozMagazine
    • Spring 2026 Issue
    • Spring 2025 Issue
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
Headlines

Throbbing Hangover Headache Met With 7:45 A.M. Clocktower Rendition of “Here Comes The Sun”

14 hours ago14 hours ago

“You Know, Too Much Sleep Is Actually Bad For You,” Student Tells Person-Shaped Bush

2 days ago2 days ago

“Yeah I Was in the Hood,” Says Rich White Biology Student Misleadingly Talking About Fume Hood

7 days ago7 days ago

Inconsiderate Asshole With No Concept of Personal Space Sits Within 5 Seats of You in Lecture Hall

1 week ago1 week ago

Inhabitants of Local Valley Starting to Regret Construction of Hole-in-the-wall Restaurant in Hydroelectric Dam

1 week ago1 week ago
matty van hooty

Tompkins County DA Relieved to Go Back to Dismissing Other Cases

1 week ago1 week ago

Kotlikoff Also Wondering What Action Cornell Administration Will Take

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Splitsies! Group Assignment Done By Just You

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

CUPD Claims K-9 Ate Report

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Biology Major Stressed About Answers to Pre-Limbs 

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
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  • 6

April 6, 2023

  • Passover

Report: Angel of Death Will Not Spare Touchdown the Bear This Passover

Nooz Staff4 years ago8 months ago01 mins

HEAVEN—God and the Angel of Death have announced plans to kill Touchdown the Bear, a Passover gift for Jewish and Gentile Cornellians alike. “I have tried time and again to deal with Touchdown and his many crimes against the Jewish people, but it seems My methods have been too lenient thus far,” saith the Lord….

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