ENGINEERING QUAD—With a new class of bright-eyed first-years settling into Cornell, the University’s many student organizations are seizing new recruitment opportunities. Project team members, in particular, have pounced at the chance to contact human life, move their limbs, get fresh air, et. cetera.
“Hey! Do you share your life, too?” asked Dalia Good ‘26, an engineering project team lead, to a group of bushy-tailed freshmen. “Yes? Well, I know just the place for you!”
Good then handed the new students the project team’s flier, which listed negatives, such as “insomnia, eye bags, and various illnesses,” and benefits like “ .”
Many freshmen, like Mark Ware ‘29, who has dreams of going into war solutions or finance, respected Good’s honesty and were receptive to her pitch.
“This is perfect for someone like me,” said Ware. “I come from a long line of miserable people, and I’m excited to follow in their footsteps!”
He added that he is particularly excited to get an early start at “sleeping where [he] works” and being a part of a “tight-knit, always together, group.”
The draw of Cornell University’s illustrious project teams is clear. For one thing, you gain a reliance on caffeine, and for another thing, you learn to live separate from the natural world. Helena Crawford ‘29 is especially excited about these benefits.
“Oh, how I cannot wait to leave the lab at 2 am, and then come back at 10 am for class!” Crawford said, drooling at the thought of bright overhead lighting.
Project Teams like Good’s can hardly believe their luck with this group of new recruits, each less tied to humanities student concepts like “mental health” and “hydration” than the last.
