MORRISON DINING—After several tense days of negotiations and numerous attempts to sustain operations, the Morrison soft-serve dessert station has shut down.
Talks between Cornell Dining and Dole Food Company collapsed early Monday morning, and the Dole Whip dispenser officially shut down at midnight. According to a Cornell Dining staff member, speaking on the condition of anonymity, the parties disagreed over Cornell’s level of spending on Dole fruits and fruit-derived powders, as well as the university’s proposed end to subsidies under the Affordable Citrus Agenda (ACA).
Cornell Republicans were quick to seize on the conflict, releasing a statement decrying Dole’s “extremist obstructionism” and calling for an end to the shutdown “for the good of all hard-working Cornellians.”
“You have Big Tech, and you have Big Pharma, but nobody ever talks about Big Soft Serve,” said Dan Tremont ‘26, president of Cornell Republicans. “You know, the radical left controls Big Soft Serve just like they control the other ones. It’s a terrible thing, this shutdown. All we want to do is keep the dessert flowing, and the Democrats come in and ruin everything. You know, these Dole Whip machines, they’re transgender now. You press down the lever and the two flavors, they swirl together. The strawberries think they’re blueberries and they get all mixed up—this is what they’re showing the children in school. Even the soft serve is transgender. And they shut down the Dole Whip because they want to spend all your money on transgender for the soft serve.”
When asked for comment, Vice President for Student and Campus Life Ryan Lombardi denied knowledge of the incident and encouraged concerned students to “get some fresh air and enjoy this beautiful Ithaca autumn.”
