October 15, 2025

Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
9 years ago9 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
9 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
9 years ago9 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
10 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
10 years ago10 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
10 years ago10 years ago

Cornell Health Boasts Selective 2% Acceptance Rate for 2025 Appointment Cycle

Nooz Staff9 months ago03 mins

CORNELL HEALTH—A proud newly accepted class of 15 lucky Cornell students have been selected to fill all available appointment slots this semester. Cornell Health released statistics about their incoming class: “The average stab wound of an accepted patient came in at an impressive 12 inches long, most students filled out their forms in less than…

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel

Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell

Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was

Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks

Cornell Health Boasts Selective 2% Acceptance Rate for 2025 Appointment Cycle