MANN LIBRARY— University staff may have noticed that students have recently become more fatigued, irritable, and emotionally volatile. A new research investigation provides an answer while putting a new spin on the term big red.
“It’s a phenomenon called study period, where the student body sheds their outlining to expel final papers and exams, leading to mood swings, crankiness, and intense cravings for freedom,” explained Human Development Professor Shannon Friedbleed. “It’s extremely predictable at this time of the month and usually lasts up to a week.” According to Friedbleed, other symptoms include brain cramping, headaches, acne flare-ups, and tender breasts.
Student and Campus Life administrators have enacted initiatives to mitigate the difficult effects of the study period cycle. Puppies, free chocolate, and Adderall to quell the brain cramping are all tried and true methods.
Other students find different ways to deal with their study period. Sheila Draper ’26 fills a sparkly tumbler alternatingly with coffee and Celsius, which she refers to as her “diva cup.”
Nevertheless, it’s a tumultuous time for most. “I’m literally on death’s door,” remarked Michael Porter ’28. “In some ways, I’m grateful this is only once a semester. Can you imagine if feeling this way was more frequent? Like, oh my god, what if it was once a month? Unbearable.”
After throwing up multiple times, which she claims was unrelated to the five formals she attended over the weekend, hotelie Megan Williamson ’27 realized she had missed her study period. She soon became elated that her lack of finals meant she was expecting a little bundle of joy known as getting the fuck out of Ithaca.
