GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Earlier this week, students in GOVT 1111: Introduction to American Government attempted to hear from a distinguished guest lecturer as he was drowned out by a Clif Bar wrapper.
“I was starving,” explained James Deng ‘29, who skipped breakfast to get to class on time. Students reported a noisy rustling of papers as Deng vigorously rummaged around in his backpack to find the protein bar, which was eventually discovered in his jacket pocket.
Ted Johnson ‘84, J.D. ‘87, a sitting U.S. congressional representative who gained prominence as a federal prosecutor for the Southern District of New York, appeared to repeatedly open and close his mouth for about an hour as deafening crinkles from the Clif Bar’s wrapper filled the lecture hall.
After already having taken several bites out of the bar, Deng inexplicably asked a classmate if it was “cool” to “have a snack” in class. Following this apparently rhetorical question, he immediately returned to loudly crumpling down the wrapper while obliviously crunching on the impromptu meal.
“It sucks—I was actually looking forward to class today,” said Sofia Ramirez ‘28. “I’m not great at reading lips, but I think he said something about democracy.”
To cap off a speech that probably would have been highly informative, Johnson concluded with an inspiring call to action: “What does it take to be a great leader? It starts with—KQHRRCRUNCCHHH!”
