DICKSON HALL—A valiant shampoo bottle let out its final squirt today after a long, slippery battle against grime and grease. As the unsuspecting user applied the usual squeeze, the room filled with a weak, sputtering sound. What trickled out was not the rich, satisfying lather once cherished, but a thin, defeated dribble—a pathetic, watery remnant of what once was.
“It did everything it could,” said avid shampoo user Kathy Fraser ‘27, paying tribute to the noble vessel. “It fought through thick hair, hard water, and questionable conditioner pairings.”
The shampoo had been celebrated for its reliable performance and thick, luxurious foam. Sources confirm that in its heyday, it delivered perfectly portioned, invigorating mint-scented goodness. A brief moment of silence was observed before the bottle was laid to rest in the trash, its final destination.
Rumors swirl that its companion, the conditioner bottle, may face a similar fate in the coming weeks.
