BARTON HALL—Following last week’s protests at Cornell’s annual campus-wide career fair, the administration has taken swift action to appease the student body: The invitation list at the rescheduled event has been amended to include only the friendly, wholesome defense contractors.
Despite the disruption, students are still looking forward to the event.
“I’m excited to talk to Raytheon Technologies because they sent me a personalized ‘happy birthday’ email,” remarked Jordan Donald ‘28. “Isn’t that cute?”
The decision to remove certain companies from the career fair will not be taken lightly. On-campus recruiting is a vital avenue for ambitious students looking to break into highly competitive fields, such as banking, consulting, and arms dealing.
However, the administration remains staunchly committed to evaluating each corporation’s social impact before inviting them to the new event.
“We fully recognize that Lockheed Martin has manufactured weapons for a number of devastating wars,” said University Spokesperson Jody Hart. “But their website says that they plan to go carbon neutral by 2065, so I think the positives outweigh the negatives.”
University leadership was careful not to brush off criticisms of the career fair’s attendees.
“Yes, one could argue that Boeing profits off of mass suffering,” conceded Director of Career Services George Rodriguez. “But the planes they build to inflict that suffering just look so sick. I mean, they are seriously cool. Nyoooom! Pew Pew Pew!”
