ITHACA, NY—In a dramatic break from their usual routine of arresting kids on scooters, members of the Cornell University Police Department were spotted barreling down Libe Slope on borrowed dining trays and tables this past weekend in hot pursuit of “extremely evil” students reportedly vandalizing the hill with “even more evil sleds and stuff.” Witnesses…
URIS LIBRARY—Continuing the ongoing “redistricting war” by responding to actions from the Texas legislature and California Governor Gavin Newsom, New York Governor Kathy Hochul has unveiled a plan of her own to give Democrats a partisan advantage in her state. The plan, which will carve Ithaca into four new districts, also cuts right through Cornell’s…
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The first ten months of Trump’s second term have seen numerous slashes to purported “DEI” programs. Federal funding has been cut, companies have pared back or renamed their inclusivity efforts, and universities have had to scale down programs to keep federal support. Now, another American tradition is coming under the Trump administration’s scrutinized eye:…
DAY HALL—Amid fallout from the most recent release of documents which further confirm President Trump’s ties to the convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, Cornell President Michael Kotlikoff faces a dilemma regarding the recent deal the university concluded with the federal government. As part of the agreement, Kotlikoff and a guest received round-trip airfare and a…
JFK AIRPORT—Throughout the record-long government shutdown, air travelers have endured widespread flight delays and cancellations as airports across the country grapple with staffing shortages. Even so, thousands of TSA agents have worked tirelessly over the past month—without pay—to meet the Department of Homeland Security’s unrelenting groping quota. “It seemed inevitable that the shutdown was going…
OLIN LIBRARY—Between clubs, jobs, and homework, it can be difficult for busy students to tackle entire books for class. What’s more, searching the library for an assigned book can further complicate conquering an assigned reading. For one lucky student, however, the pre-annotated copy he picked up from Olin tells him exactly what’s important. “At first,…
INTERSTATE 81—One of Earth’s most extraordinary natural phenomena coincides with fall break in upstate New York. The Great OurBus Migration is a sight to behold, but it poses significant risks to the surrounding ecosystem. This weekend, herds consisting of dozens of buses will be seen charging along the ancient migration route. Generations have driven along…
ROCKEFELLER HALL—Cornell University prides itself on its vigorous commitment to the art of teaching and falsifying RateMyProfessor reviews, a dedication no less visible than in its insistence to let Professor Henry Fiske teach PHYS 2215 as a flipped classroom. Some students aren’t pleased by the teaching model, and much less pleased with Fiske himself. “He…
CASCADILLA HALL—A White House announcement last Monday suggested that acetaminophen, commonly branded as Tylenol, is a leading cause of autism. The announcement sent shockwaves through the dating app community, members of whom are already adapting to the news. Local single Eric Pilgrim ‘28 immediately went on Hinge to announce that he “didn’t mind a little…
HO PLAZA—The newly established Wasian Student Association announced their first mixer last weekend via mediocre multicultural Canva graphic on their Instagram page. Students of both white and Asian heritage are invited to intermingle over their shared identity descending from the nation of Wasia while enjoying staples of Wasian delicacy—orange chicken, California rolls, and avocado milk…
