TOWER ROAD — Speedily rubbing its paws together and darting its tail this way and that, an indecisive campus squirrel reportedly contemplated whether or not to dig over one thousand small holes in the ground. “Those woodchips over there look pretty easy to move around. I could probably dig a few holes by that tree…
ARTS QUAD – Members of the Cornell community breathed a collective sigh of relief as the varsity football team lost its third straight game, to Brown, following a 3-0 start to the season. “It was tense there for a while, especially after that third win,” said Jake Gordon ’19, “but I knew the team would…
NORTH CAMPUS — Ordering extra balls and stocking the fridges with extra beers, the Helen Newman Bowling Alley is busy preparing for the hundreds of dads visiting over this Parents’ Weekend. “Wax that floor! Clean the deep fryer! Polish those men’s size 11 shoes!” shouted bowling attendant Murphy Howard, making sure the facilities are in…
Believe me. I enjoy The Daily Sun’s opinion pieces as much as the next guy. They cover a lot of useful information and interesting topics with thoughtful perspectives. But I have a problem with the Sex on Thursdays column. Specifically, I want whoever writes that column to please stop boning my girlfriend. I get that…
DAY HALL – Today, over a year and a half since the Gannett Health Fee was enacted, reports indicate that the university administrators are pretty stoked that everybody seems to have outright forgotten about the fee, which at the time incited anger and protests from students opposed to the unnecessary bursar charge. “Nobody is really…
KENNEDY HALL – Noting that it was a hard but necessary move, Professor Larry Miller, Biology and Society, has dropped his Communication in Medicine class only hours before the end of the penalty-free drop period. “I couldn’t handle the stress,” Miller stated when asked about his last-minute decision. “I’m already teaching 16 other credits, and…
BAILEY HALL – Approximately fifteen minutes into her 10:10 AM lecture for Intro to Marketing, Haley O’Quinn ‘19 had literally no idea what her professor was saying after she started texting during class. “Since I was in my first morning class and hadn’t had the chance to check my phone yet, I went through my…
NORTH CAMPUS — Citing evidence compiled from a poll of 2,564 seniors who have revisited North Campus since their Freshman year, a report published Tuesday by the Cornell University Survey Research Institute claims that, despite common perception, North Campus has not shrunk in size over the past three years. According to the study, nearly 97…
COLLEGETOWN — In recognition of Yom Kippur, the annual Jewish holiday of atonement during which followers often fast for a full 24 hours, Cornell student Isaac Rosen ’18 has decided to refrain from eating and reflect on the fact that he doesn’t really have any food in his house anyway. “I’m so proud to continue…
Thanks to Fall Break, my girlfriend and I are finally gonna have that bombin’ four-day non-stop bang session we’ve been waiting for. Everyone else is getting a bus ticket to New York. Me and Jennifer? Well we’ve got a bus ticket on a one way, ninety six hour ride to bangtown, nonstop. Campus is empty,…
