Like many of my peers, I am calling on Cornell to adopt a Universal Pass system. This is the only feasible way to reduce the pressure to complete my schoolwork and allow me time to focus on the unique issues facing my family during this global crisis; mainly the fact that my just-turned-eighteen step-sis keeps…
HO PLAZA—Hoda Dabiri ‘23 took a fearless stand in the name of health and wellness when she lightly furrowed her brow at a mask-less passerby while walking to her only in-person class this Thursday. “I definitely considered saying something, but I decided against it,” said the breathless defender of the campus community. “Instead I just…
Hey Cornell Daily Sun, You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a perfectly natural problem that happens to every publication with a functional web presence. You just couldn’t get it up. Look, we get it, you had a long day, you’re under a lot of stress from all that reporting you’ve been doing, and…
ITHACA, NY – As Cornell was brought in for its seasonal checkup, it was revealed that its Spring has broken, and may be beyond repair. Upon receiving the news that Spring was in fact irreversibly broken, Cornell president David Skorton told reporters “I’ve been bringing Cornell in for its inspection every year for the past…
CASCADILLA HALL—Architecture major Barry Kletz ‘26 completed major renovations on his Cascadilla single after he converted his previously drab living space into a fabulous walk-in closet by simply leaving all his laundry on the floor for an entire week. “Having all the clothes right here in front of me has enabled outfits I would’ve never…
EAST AVE — PETA-affiliated student organizations called for a demonstration against the annual campus-wide Dragon Day parade, citing the mistreatment and exploitation of innocent dragons that violates basic animal rights laws. “The Archies keep this beautiful creature cooped up for months in the basement of Rand Hall, an enclosure that is far too small for…
PHILADELPHIA — A student at the University of Pennsylvania has reportedly been making bold claims that “UPenn studnets r superiur 2 cornell,” communicating his message through the online comments section of the school’s student newspaper, The Daily Pennsylvanian. “Ya most cornel kids go ther for hotel mangament and state schole,” said acclaimed critic of Cornell…
COLLEGETOWN–It was a normal Tuesday night for Peter Graven and Sophia Morgan, both ‘23, as they spent their evening finishing some school work before catching up on the latest episode of Euphoria. Morgan was so enraptured by the neon depiction of teen opiate abuse that she barely noticed Graven spent most of the episode scrolling…
COLLEGETOWN — Following the grand opening of Wings Over Ithaca on Dryden Road in Collegetown, reports indicate that Jack’s Grill owner Kevin Sullivan was seen shaking his fist in the general direction of the new local competitor while murmuring phrases such as “I’m ruined!” and “it can’t be!”. “Dammit! That blasted Wings Over Ithaca just…
BARTON HALL- Jeremy Schmidt ’19, a Freshman AEM major, stopped by today’s career fair to present the J.P. Morgan recruiters with a distinguished copy of the same resume he used in high school. “National Honor Society AND Recycling Club. Once J.P. Morgan sees that, they can’t turn me down,” stated Schmidt, who is 3 weeks…
