DUFFIELD HALL–Adorable! Proud onlookers report that Benny DeCosta ‘23 looked as cute as a button in his big boy suit today as he prepared for his interview with the hypersonic missiles branch of Raytheon Technologies. DeCosta’s big day began early. He was too excited to sleep, so he watched an episode of Barney and Friends…
TEAGLE HALL—In a shocking announcement, Athletics Director Andy Noel confirmed that Ivy League officials had canceled all winter sports, which includes men’s ice hockey, women’s ice hockey, and possibly some other ones as well. “We recognize that this is a very challenging day for Cornell’s ice hockey student athletes, as well as everyone associated with…
LIBE SLOPE—While most students are eager to see basketball and DJ Shaquille O’Neal perform as part of this year’s virtual Slope Day celebration, one individual is not. Fraternity brother Devin Jennings ‘22, who has long misreported his height to potential hookups, was reportedly miffed that Cornell had invited the famously tall Shaq to perform at…
NORTH CAMPUS—Halloween is quickly approaching, and friend groups are getting together their last-minute group costumes. Among one group of friends, the selection process is exceedingly contentious, with each girl vying for their favorite character. However, Zara Saunders ‘28, the only minority in her friend group, already knows who she’s going to be. This year, Saunders…
DAY HALL—A vicious battle of ideas has broken out in the Letters to the Editor section of the Cornell Daily Sun, with insults, factual errors, pretentious corrections, and threats flying in the face of all eight readers bearing witness to it. “The question needs to be asked: do business students deserve rights?” posited ILR student…
CENTRAL CAMPUS—The new Blue Light call boxes recently installed on campus are an architecture professor’s temporary art exhibit and will not connect users to the police, the University clarified Wednesday. “I’ve decided to do my part to make Cornell more secure by creating an installation that forces viewers to ponder the true meaning of campus…
As the new semester begins, so too does the never-ending plight of the workers, according to a few Cornell students. Leon Truman ’17, and his classmates in “Marxism: Then and Now” have decided that the sins of capitalism are theirs to overturn. “The capitalist presence here is really out of control,” said Truman, sporting a…
ITHACA- Thousands of Cornell students and faculty spend yesterday with their loved ones, in order to commemorate events involving a man who was on a boat a very long time ago. All courses were cancelled, and most students’ parents were allowed to take off from work as well. Administration spokesperson Patricia Stevens explained that, “The…
PEPSICO AUDITORIUM– In an attempt to encourage healthy on campus living habits, Cornell Dining, Cornell Health, and the Cornell Department of Nutritional Sciences have released a food guide recommending that students consume 12 servings of PepsiCo products every day. “Many young adults find out that college is the time to start thinking about what you…
UPSON HALL—In a brazen display of ignorance and disrespect for different cultures, electrical engineering student Paula Roberson ‘24 wore overalls to class Thursday despite having no affiliation with the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. “To so clearly copy the customs of another college, while making no acknowledgement of the deep personal and spiritual meanings…
