ITHACA- As the semester nears an end, it has become apparent that April showers have brought more May showers to Ithaca. It had originally been predicted that the rain of the past month might have been leading up to May flowers, however it seems as though Ithaca will be experiencing more rain for the rest…
NATICK, MASSACHUSETTS – Cornell students and administrators were excited to learn this weekend that the university had once again reclaimed its coveted title of “Biggest Red.” The highly anticipated ranking published annually by the Princeton Review seeks to highlight those colleges which truly encompass that which is big and red, and Cornellians across campus are…
MORRISON DINING—Interim President Michael Kotlikoff was spotted Saturday staffing Toni Morrison Dining Hall, as services across campus continue to function at a limited capacity due to the ongoing UAW workers’ strike. His presence prompted speculation from students, faculty, and striking workers alike– was he simply posturing as an everyman, or mounting a proverbial attack on…
BEEBE LAKE – Steadily accumulating a debt of over $100,000 over four years, Junior History major Landon Hearn has recently begun spending money that could pay off his mounting student loans on his new photography hobby. “I got a new camera and a pretty cool tripod, so I’m probably gonna go out every weekend and…
Student’s were shocked to find a 4,000-word, multi-colored rant in their mailboxes Monday morning. The email, sent around 4:00am, was written by Denice Cassaro, Cornell’s Associate Director for Student Leadership, Engagement and Campus Activities. Cassaro is most well known for sending weekly emails to freshman listing campus and community activities. Although CU Nooz was not…
If you don’t know the answer, just white out the question. You can’t answer a question that isn’t there. If you are worrying about passing your finals, don’t. In 80 years you’ll die poor and alone. No one will remember that you failed Comm Law or that you even existed! The most important thing to…
ARTS QUAD—On Wednesday morning, September 26th, the statue of the university’s founder and namesake, Ezra Cornell, was found unconscious after a cardiac arrest. He was reported dead at 5:57am. Mikaela Kolb ‘19 was the first to discover Ezra Cornell’s statue. “I was walking through the Arts Quad when I noticed a figure in the distance….
BARNES HALL- Interviewing for a summer internship with elite consulting firm McKidney & Company, local AEM major Angela Brighten ’21 reportedly felt obliged to suggest the mass slaughter of civilians as the best solution to a case study. McKidney’s Charles DePrice began the interview by reading a case prompt to Brighten: “Our client is a…
Huzzah! Fortunes have surely changed for little Henry Sackcloth ‘26, who after a lifetime of poverty has discovered himself to be the sole inheritor of an immense BRB fortune! Poor Sackcloth had lived out his Cornell education in deepest penury. His parents both having been taken from him at a young age by a tankard…
CHARLESTON, SC–This Friday Jacob Weiss ‘22 celebrated his own miracle of Hanukkah after one night of finals provided him with an anxious stomachache that burned for the entire holiday. “Oy gevalt, my head is spinning like a dreidel. My hands are trembling like candlelight in the wind. Every time I close my eyes, all I…
