COLLEGETOWN–Gourmands, rejoice! Ithaca’s signature blend of ice, piss, asphalt, and antifreeze is now on tap at Collegetown’s 7-Eleven location. The limited-time only road slush flavor is part of the store’s push into Ithaca’s culinary scene. “7-Eleven may not be the first place that comes to mind when you think of fresh, local, and seasonal flavors,…
After a stressful and tense week at Ithaca town hall, the Mayoral staff was relieved to find Svante Myrick after his disappearance one week ago. “We figured he just got lost. He does that sometimes, but he usually comes back after a few days.” explained Myrick’s chief of staff Alex Ellers. Ellers continued “One time…
CAYUGA LAKE WATERSHED — Every Spring, thousands of salmon shorts (salmo braccae) travel hundreds of miles upstream to mate and lay their eggs. Hundreds of miles from the Northeast Coast where the shorts start their journey, Ithaca is home to one of the largest displays of pink pants traveling to their natural spawning grounds. “These…
WESTCHESTER, NY — Reports indicate that after dropping you off at Cornell to begin a full year of college, your parents immediately took advantage of their now empty house by having sex in your absence. “Pretty much as soon as we walk in the door,” said your mom, when asked how long it would be until…
COLLEGETOWN—Caught in the midst of the Collegetown real estate busy season, Nadia Charles ‘20 and her roomate Maddie Chan ‘20 focused on acting as normal as possible while a group of prospective tenants toured their five-bedroom apartment. “Our landlord has been scheduling a bunch of tours lately, and I completely forgot this one was happening…
ITHACA, NY – Last Tuesday, Freshman Human Development Major, Julia Bowers ‘17, confided to her twitter followers that she may have regrets towards attending school so far north. She tweeted, “28 degrees in October!? I should have just gone to Duke. #cornellproblems #LayersOnLayersonLayers #CantPee” A current resident of Richmond, Virginia, Bowers confided that she “might…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—In a beginning-of-the-semester email sent out to students this week, Arts & Sciences Dean Ray Jayawardhana strongly cautioned against affiliating with the college’s new reverse psychology major. “This major is only for mature, grown-up students that want to work hard, but you all little 13th and 14th graders couldn’t handle all those big-boy…
After lodging in the Stater Hotel during move-in, Dr. Justine Quality-Inn Ph.D. ’94, mother of Alex Quality-Inn ’24, informed her daughter that the hotel was “not bad for Upstate,” but was no match for the hotels Alex will one day inherit. “This is fine, I guess,” says Alex. “My mom told me I should expect…
EDDY STREET— With Miyake, a beloved Japanese restaurant, recently closing its doors, members of the Collegetown community are reportedly saddened by the loss, but enthusiastic for new diversity in the C-town food landscape —in the form of Masita, a new Asian restaurant. “I was actually, like, super scared,” commented Abigail Jimenez ‘21. “With Miyake closing,…
ITHACA COMMONS — After several days of internal probing, the Cornell Daily Sun has conclusively determined that a pool of liquid water exists on their servers currently facing technical difficulties. “This is a truly exciting new discovery,” said Peyton Schwarz ’16 systems manager for the top-ranked collegiate news source in America. “We will now be…
