GANNETT — A serious hardship for Cornell students is the steep hike up Libe Slope from West Campus, which often results in fatigue, soreness and loss of legs. Cornell Student Health Services has announced plans to open facilities at the summit of Libe Slope for the express purpose of re-attaching limbs that may have fallen…
ITHACA- Reports are surfacing that one book residing in Olin Library’s stacks is beginning to wonder if it will ever be checked out. “Spiel der Welten: Fiktionalität als narratives Paradigma in Mittelalter” (“Game of the Worlds: fictionality as a narrative paradigm in the Middle Ages”) has sat on its shelf on Olin’s 7th floor since…
ITHACA, NY – It was recently announced that Ed Helms has been selected to give the convocation speech to the Cornell graduating class of 2014. Helms is best known to Cornellians for his role as “Stu” from the Hangover trilogy.Students have already voiced their enthusiasm to the announcement. “I really can’t believe that Cornell got Ed…
NEW YORK CITY—Despite a well-established pipeline from the Sage School of Philosophy to the absolute dregs of society, Winston Chan ‘21 has found his post-graduate transition to be difficult upon the discovery that his so-called “transferable skills” were neither transferable, nor skills. “As a philosophy major at Cornell, I was sure I developed the shaky…
WILLARD STRAIGHT THE HALL — Chance the Rapper will perform at this year’s Slope Day concert, announced Slope Day Programming Board the Committee, along with Magic! the Reggae Fusion Band as the opening act. The decision has been generally well-received by students of Cornell the University, who will attend Slope Day on May 7, 2015…
COLLEGETOWN–Gourmands, rejoice! Ithaca’s signature blend of ice, piss, asphalt, and antifreeze is now on tap at Collegetown’s 7-Eleven location. The limited-time only road slush flavor is part of the store’s push into Ithaca’s culinary scene. “7-Eleven may not be the first place that comes to mind when you think of fresh, local, and seasonal flavors,…
Today, voting closed on Student Assembly Referendum 30, which would allow free tampons and pads in campus bathrooms. Despite undeniable support from the female population at Cornell, I decided to vote no. With tuition rising by the day, it’s not Cornell’s job to give free handouts to it’s students, unless of course, they’re handing out…
COMSTOCK HALL—Citing that the study of insects is a field generally considered to be “slimy,” “oh jeez, so gross,” and “no no no take that thing away from me,” the deans of every Cornell academic college released a report today indicating they had unanimously voted upon entomology to be the ickiest undergraduate major. “We recognize…
NORTH CAMPUS – A Cornell social fraternity proved their commitment to campus safety by becoming the first and only fraternity to pass their fire and safety inspections this year. The brothers claim to have worked very hard to fix up their house, which normally injures dozens each week. “I’m not shocked we passed,” said brother…
BARTON HALL — Cornell Career Services announced today that, in order to generate enthusiasm and interest in its opportunities, the first 150 entrants to the Career Fair would receive complimentary Career-themed pinnies, a Cornell beanie, and a challenging, rewarding career which could easily last a lifetime. “We want to make sure that Cornell students get…
