Bars – CU Nooz

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Guy Still Wearing Cayuga Med Wristband Monday After Halloweekend Really Wants You to Ask What Happened
6 hours ago6 hours ago
Instant Ramen Instructions Detail How To Burn Noodles, Pull Fire Alarm, Act Confused
1 day ago1 day ago
Kotlikoff Claims “You Can Fit A Turkey Up There”, Vague About What “There” Means
11 months ago11 months ago
“Next Stop, Binghamton!” OurBus Trip Goes South
11 months ago11 months ago
EDITORIAL: Please God, Let The Daily Sun Go Bankrupt So We Can Buy Them
11 months ago11 months ago
“Consider a Man’s Life Situated on a Frictionless, Downward Plane”: Physics Professor Not Handling His Divorce Well
12 months ago12 months ago

OP-ED: I Finally Got Drunk Enough to Carry The Fwuffy Wuffy Skunk Back to My Dorm

Nooz Staff4 years ago04 mins

I had just begun the godforsaken journey up Eddy street back toward North Campus, my arms slung over the shoulders of my marginally less drunk friends and my feet dragging uselessly behind, when I noticed what appeared to be a Club Penguin puffle waddling beside us in the brush. “Boys, boys,” I whispered, “You see…

Reunited Sophomore Not Telling Friends His Parents Say Hi

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

FLATIRON DISTRICT, NYC — After weeks of isolation, Sam Traynor ’19, who was finally reunited with his Cornell friends for a night of debauchery, neglected to tell everyone his parents say ‘hi.’ “How’s that Jimmy, Johnny, boy doing? The engineer. Tell that sharp young gentleman I say hi,” Mr. Traynor said of the 20 year…