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April 2, 2026
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  • “What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

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Freshman Dorm RA Launches Hunt For Repugnant Shitgoblins Shaving Their Pubes in Communal Bathroom

Nooz Staff4 years ago03 mins

LOW RISE 6—In response to mounting requests since O-Week to stop the pileup of impressively profuse and wiry pubes festooning his floor’s toilet seats and shower stalls, RA Matthew Booker ‘22 has decided to launch “all out war” against Low Rise 6’s “hairy little shitgoblins.” “These little shits have had it too good for too…

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RA Dutifully JA’s Self After Bringing Alcohol Back to Dorm Room

Nooz Staff6 years ago6 years ago02 mins

DICKSON HALL—Unable to handle the guilt from leaving his contraband alcohol unreported, RA Ryan Newman ‘21 dutifully submitted an OJA form this Monday reporting that he brought a mostly-full handle of Mango Pineapple Svedka back to his dorm room. “It is my solemn duty as an RA to provide a fun, safe, and sober living…

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