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January 9, 2026
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
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  • FWS On “Socioeconomic Impacts Of 19th Century French Colonialism” Surprisingly Not As Fun As FWS On “Watching Movies With Joyous Whimsy”

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  • “If you love something, set it free,” Student Deletes App Just Downloaded for Free Donut

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  • Report: Vitamin D Supplements Doing Little to Hinder Bleak, Hopeless Future

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Sports

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Pi Kapp’s “Push For America” Charity Ravaged By Doping Scanadal

Nooz Staff12 years ago01 mins

This week’s scandal comes in the wake of previous allegations that brothers of Pi Kappa Phi were falsifying their genders to participate in the charity event. Last year, professional cyclist Lance Armstrong was accused of posing as a brother to cycle for the fraternity. Pi Kappa Phi could not be reached for comment; however, Lance…

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Harvard Threatens ECAC Shutdown If Not Granted 11 More Historical Hockey Wins Over Cornell

Nooz Staff12 years ago04 mins

Ted Donato, head coach of the Harvard Men’s Ice Hockey team, has threatened to cut off funding to ECAC, thereby shutting the entire organization down, unless 11 additional historical wins against Cornell are added to Harvard’s record. Such a move would tip Harvard’s total wins over the past 104 years above Cornell’s. “We have tried,…

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Cornell Fraternity Members Forced Freshmen to Play Lacrosse, University Says

Nooz Staff12 years ago03 mins

Members of Cornell’s Greek System are under University Investigation after reports have surfaced that freshmen were forced to play lacrosse in order to gain entry to a series of social events. The Fraternity System is barred from hosting all social events, mixers, and open parties for the remainder of the first semester, as if Cornell’s…

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