The university’s now 3-week long spring break has been “extremely lit” so far, according to Nate Gomez ‘21, whose lengthiest social interaction all week has been with Rosie, the blue anthropomorphic cat from Animal Crossing: New Horizons. “I was kind of worried that with nothing to do and no one to hang out with that…
Make your bedroom into your bedroom and have sex in your bedroom Finally read the entirety of a dazzling Denice Cassaro email out of sheer boredom Livestream the Cornell-Harvard Men’s Hockey game and throw fish at your computer screen Irresponsibly take off to NYC for Spring Break and become a vector for viral spread Fall…
FRIEDMAN STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING CENTER—Following the NCAA’s cancellation of spring athletes’ season, Cornell student-athletes were giddy to tell their fans and friends that this year was different, and they would have won it all. “This season was definitely the one. Our coach purchased us these new clubs with carbon fiber which totally will take our…
COLLEGETOWN – Amidst growing concerns over COVID-19 and the unrest caused by the current Pandemic, Jessica Springer, ‘22, has reportedly been told to come home by her shrewish, insufferable bitch of a mother. In the past week, the Cornell community has seen classes indefinitely suspended, events of more than fifty people banned, and at the…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—In reaction to the upcoming closure of Cornell’s campus for undergraduates, the Interfraternity Council has released a statement saying that “although there will be disruptions as we make this transition,” they expect to “learn to adjust” as fraternities begin to hold all parties over Zoom. “Obviously, we wish all attendees could squeeze into…
I was sitting at Terrace yesterday when I overheard a boy with an equivocal ethnic background echoing a number of problematic opinions involving race and class. Unfortunately, in a truly frustrating dilemma, I couldn’t give an unsolicited schooling on intersectionality and ethnicity because his complete lack of distinguishing factors meant I didn’t know if it…
BAKER LAB—Students in CHEM 2080 were witness to an almost superhuman feat of strength today when Shawn Rosen ‘23 stepped over a chair he did not want to sit in in order to reach the chair that he did want to sit in. Rosen, whose strength was already waning by the time he reached the…
AG QUAD—Recent rising temperatures have prompted Cornell students to change their styles, leading to a proliferation of exposed knees, arms, and deep emotional wounds related to body image. “I love that I can now wear fun open-toed shoes instead of the bean boots I needed to trudge through street slush. My style improving almost makes…
This article was sponsored by the Smart is Strong Foundation and their International Women’s Day Conference, featuring a powerful and passionate speaker series of women inspiring change in their communities. The theme this year, #BeTheChangeSiS, is built upon igniting positive change by raising awareness of important issues and offering next steps to address them. The…
CORNELL HEALTH—Despite a valiant effort to keep morale high, the goofy posters of wellness memes Cornell Health has been hanging up just are not going to get it done at the moment. “I totally understand they’re doing their best to keep everyone’s spirits up,” said Ramash Miraja ‘22. “But when I get an email from…
