- Bring Back Soda in the Dining Hall Fountains
- Though this idea presents a logistical nightmare buried under a mountain of contractual obligations that are as intractable as they are unintelligible, one smooth talking sophomore ILRie is sure to get the job done.
- Reopen Ho Plaza NOW
- This candidate promises to speed up the notoriously swift and effective process of public construction using their street smarts and “know-how.”
- Pet Dogs in All the Dorms
- Who will walk them? Some other guy!
- Tar and Feather All Members of the Gen-Chem Teaching Staff
- This one seems kinda personal.
- All campus laundry machines will take monopoly money
- This poor guy doesn’t understand how money works and that’s ok!
- Pizza Party Friday
- What does this mean?
- Each Individual Cornellian Gets a Homemade Cupcake from Me, the Optimal Candidate
- More than prepared to make at least a hundred cupcakes. There’s no way we have more students than that right?
- Abolish homework
- Self explanatory.
- Ski Lift on the Slope
- It’ll work if everyone waits their turn!
- Casual Fridays!
- Wait, does this guy think we have a dress code? Is that why he wears suits to class?
Free Ice Cream, All Day Recess and 10 Other Totally Legitimate Campaign Promises From Your Favorite SA Candidate
