Sunday, September 20, 2026
CTB Barista Announces “Big Fat Chungus Sweetberry Surprise” is Ready at the Bar
Mirror Tired of Hearing “I Am A Unique, Talented Writer” Every Morning From Daily Sun Journalist
Sprint Football Loses to Faster, More Reliable Verizon Football 
Rush Hashanah!: Fraternity Acknowledges High Holidays by Ensuring All Cocaine is Kosher

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
CTB Barista Announces “Big Fat Chungus Sweetberry Surprise” is Ready at the Bar
Mirror Tired of Hearing “I Am A Unique, Talented Writer” Every Morning From Daily Sun Journalist
Sprint Football Loses to Faster, More Reliable Verizon Football 
Rush Hashanah!: Fraternity Acknowledges High Holidays by Ensuring All Cocaine is Kosher

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
Headlines

CTB Barista Announces “Big Fat Chungus Sweetberry Surprise” is Ready at the Bar

Mirror Tired of Hearing “I Am A Unique, Talented Writer” Every Morning From Daily Sun Journalist

Sprint Football Loses to Faster, More Reliable Verizon Football 

Rush Hashanah

Rush Hashanah!: Fraternity Acknowledges High Holidays by Ensuring All Cocaine is Kosher

Mama’s Cleverest Boy Stumped by Strange Clothes-Washing Machine

Cornell Republican Sheds Red Nose and Polka Dot Romper, Slinks into Suit for Rare ClubFest Metamorphosis

English Department Receives $12 Grant

Level B ‘Underage Tuesdays’ Sees Commercial Success, Legal Ramifications

Birder Actually Not Sure About That One

Professor Spices Up Syllabus With Jokes Like “Attendance is Mandatory”

Student Life

Photo credit: Annie Wang/Sun File Photo via Cornell Daily Sun
Photo credit: Annie Wang/Sun File Photo via Cornell Daily Sun

SA Elections Rocked by Controversy in Transparent Attempt to Emulate Real-Life Democracy

Nooz Staff02 mins

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—While some attribute the mismanaged Student Assembly election and subsequent re-vote to sheer ineptitude, many critics have identified the undergraduate governing body’s utter ballot-bungling as an attempt to replicate the workings of real-life democracy. In a nine-paragraph essay published to the Cornell Subreddit, election-truther George Blast ‘21 levied pointed accusations against the Assembly….

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Redditor Roommate Now An Epidemiologist

Nooz Staff02 mins

WEST CAMPUS—To the displeasure of his roommates, enthusiastic Redditor Alexander Nettle ‘22 returned to campus armed with months of reddit-conducted COVID research.  When his roommate asked him what the highlight of his summer was, Nettle launched into a lengthy commentary on COVID-19. “This all happened because Americans don’t understand exponential growth. If I were President,…

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‘What Did I Miss?’ Asks Architecture Major Leaving Studio for First Time in 18 Weeks

Nooz Staff02 mins

MILSTEIN HALL—Area architecture major Juliet Brimwire ‘21 has enthusiastically emerged from her annual 18-week-long spring studio stint, eager to reconnect with the world beyond her drafting table.  “Every March, once I get into the thick of the semester, I’ll commit to turning off all of my electronics and not leaving Milstein Hall until I conclude…

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“I’m Really Worried About Coronavirus,” Says Student Who Literally Drank Piss During Rush

Nooz Staff01 mins

STATLER HALL—As concern mounts over the spread of the 2019 Novel Coronavirus, Jonah Frayer ’23 has been telling everyone he knows about the hygiene issues that led to the virus’s spread, despite drinking actual human urine during this semester’s rush festivities. “It’s such a crisis. The incubation period is  a couple weeks, so anyone could…

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