THURSTON AVENUE—Partygoers were perplexed when Phi Alpha Rho doorman Terrance Robinson ‘25 asked them if they had three brothers before admitting them to the event. “I think the guy was kinda in over his head,” said attendee Jared Carlson ‘24. “I thought I’d misheard [Robinson] at first, but he was insistent that I tell him…
ROCKEFELLER HALL—When a lecturer continues past the scheduled end of class, many students are afraid or indifferent, and pass over the opportunity to speak up. But when his History of Egypt lecture ran long last week, Moses Amramson ‘26 decided to take matters into his own hands. “I was sitting next to my brother, Aaron,…
TRIPHAMMER ROAD — A coalition of fraternities has purchased a tanker truck of beer to be shared among Cornell’s frats during pledge season. This unprecedented effort will save thousands of dollars on the millions of gallons of beer that the frats collectively purchase during the semester. “I know this is sorta making history, and it…
WITHIN 10FT OF DAY HALL — “Yeah, you know, I just don’t really care anymore,” said David Skorton as he lit the cigarette he kept behind his ear within ten feet of an air vent intake. “What can I say, I’m a pretty dangerous guy.” This incident is the most recent in a string of…
According to Brad Holder, the head of New Member Recruitment within the national office of Phi Sigma Sigma, Caroline Fisher ‘16 actually did receive the “best little ever,” like ever. CU Nooz spoke to Holder about the little in question, Sophie Goodman ‘17. “While most of the little facebook names are often slight exaggerations, the…
STOCKING HALL—Despite having several prominent research groups and dozens of noteworthy undergraduates, the Cornell Food Science department continues to emphasize the almost 60 year old invention of the chicken nugget. “We stake our pride on Professor Robert C. Baker’s work so many years ago to develop one of America’s most prized forms of poultry consumption,”…
URIS LIBRARY—Continuing the ongoing “redistricting war” by responding to actions from the Texas legislature and California Governor Gavin Newsom, New York Governor Kathy Hochul has unveiled a plan of her own to give Democrats a partisan advantage in her state. The plan, which will carve Ithaca into four new districts, also cuts right through Cornell’s…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Bryn Russell ‘21 got out of bed early this morning so she could have time to drink the coffee provided for Slope Day volunteers before the festivities began. “I’ve been pounding back espresso shots since 6am,” said Russell. “I want to make sure I’m amped and ready to go by the time I…
The administration has effectively closed the arts quad statues of Ezra Cornell and A.D. White, citing a lack of proper resources available to secure and maintain these historic monuments. Students are prohibited from looking at, sitting near and taking pictures of the statutes, and are discouraged from “enjoying them from a safe distance” according to…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — Admitting that it will probably happen in his bright future, Government major Conrad Davis ’17 is convinced that he could actually be a great president someday. “I know it’s a long shot, but I’d do a good job,” Davis said, his voice resonating with the leadership of a true patriot. “I’ve…
