LYNAH RINK—When Charlie Yu ‘26 bought his ticket to the 2023 Cornell-Harvard men’s ice hockey game, he didn’t realize how much of a commitment it would be. But two days after the game’s conclusion, the stands remained empty save for the lone sophomore’s silent vigil as he waited for the perfect conditions to toss his…
ARTS QUAD—Police surrounded Klarman Hall today in the biggest organized crime bust in Cornell’s history. The tens of attendees at The Dons’ third annual a cappella performance were shocked as officers stormed the stage and started making arrests instead of beatboxing. The big bust was made in part due to the bravery of one particularly…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—In a display of gritty revolutionary spirit, Elia Wang ‘21 took it upon herself to use course evaluations to dismantle Cornell’s ruling class: tenured professors. “I was looking for a way to truly make my voice heard,” said Wang. “And submitting an evaluation of straight ones will be a surefire way to topple…
AG QUAD — Sneaking out of her room every night without waking up her roommate, Michaela Roth, ’20, has been traversing the path to return to the same Mann. “I’ve had so much work lately, and it’s just so comforting to be there with him. I mean in him. In Mann,” says Roth. The freshman…
GOLDWIN SMITH — As the semester begins, Cornell’s numerous a capella groups are starting their search for students who can do a very convincing air guitar. “We have some really good singers, but the fact is that we won’t get better as a group until we find that perfect guy who can mime an electric…
ITHACA—With less than a week until graduation, the class of 2022 has been feeling sentimental, especiallysenior Michael Cohan who claims to “want to savor every moment” and do so by partying hard enough to be blacked out the entire week. “These are the last days I’ll have with my best friends,” lamented Cohan. “No more…
NORTH CAMPUS–In the wake of budget cuts and reprioritization, the one psychiatrist in charge of caring for Cornell’s entire student population has found themselves overwhelmed and unaware of whom they can talk to in a crisis. “Look, there are 25,000 students at this university, and they need adequate mental healthcare,” stated Dr. James Skinner, hand…
NOOZ VIEWZ | The Editorial Board Recently Found Out About “Monopolies” CU Nooz has always prided itself in being the only news source on campus. But recently, we have discovered an undercover publication that you probably never heard of before, the Daily Sun, and have unanimously decided to buy the Sun the moment they go…
DUFFIELD HALL—Following the high attendance and excitement at this past weekend’s Mock Shaadi, a fake wedding ceremony that incorporated elements from various South Asian cultures, the Cornell South Asian Council (SAC) plans on following the natural course of events in a marriage by hosting a mock altercation in which parents yell horrible things at each…
NORTHEAST ITHACA—With the arrival of October, the Homecoming festivities have finally come to a close at Cornell University. However, one eager student with cash to blow has not gotten the message. “Did you know that I had the blessed chance to see once-in-a-lifetime music revolutionary Steve Aoki at the ZBT house?” asked sophomore transfer Jackson…
