Last Thursday on X (formerly Twitter), Marjorie Taylor Greene, a House Republican from Georgia, doubled down on her claims of a shadowy “they” capable of “[controlling] the weather.” This assertion comes in the wake of Hurricane Helene, which left a path of destruction across the southeast; Hurricane Milton, which was upgraded to a category five…
FOREST HOME — Weeks after leaving their hometowns, an unprecedented number of reinvigorated students have surprised staff with an overflowing enthusiasm to train and learn, striving to be the very best, like no one ever was. Faculty report record high class attendance and engagement, as more students than ever have been taking pictures of lecture…
COLLEGETOWN—In the wake of the novel coronavirus epidemic, classmates, friends, and other acquaintances of Bryan Pham ‘21 have all asked about his winter break travel plans. Specifically about his proximity to Wuhan, the capital city of the Hubei province of China and the epicenter of the coronavirus outbreak. “I heard on twitter that the Chinese…
COLLEGETOWN — CS 2110 Teaching Assistant Benjamin Rosier ’17 went wild with excitement Monday when he received an email from one Samantha M. Dalton ’20 that was signed at the bottom “Love, Sam.” According to reports from Rosier, the body text of the email was otherwise quite cryptic, with no overt romantic intent. “She was…
URIS HALL—A new Cornell Daily Sun column entitled “Abstinence on Mondays” is facing intense backlash from Cornell Republicans. The conservative group has called the column offensive to individuals (such as themselves) who practice abstinence daily. Cornell Republicans Vice President Simon Beck ’26, who has not touched a woman in many, many moons, released a statement…
UPSON HALL—Built from the ground up with bare hands of the pioneering masterminds of the student body, these cutting-edge project teams are now demanding YOUR hard-earned pocket change. Give up that iced latte for once, do some local charity instead and pitch in! Every dollar makes a difference in the exhausting lives of your desperate…
THE PROSPECT OF WHITBY—In a record bad day for poultry, a chicken has been found in complete and utter disarray after being turned away from all cooperative living opportunities, left with absolutely no co-op to call home. “It is honestly a bit of a bummer, because she really was one of our more enthusiastic mosey-ers….
HOLLAND INTERNATIONAL LIVING CENTER – Huddled together in a common room of HILC, the twelve international students left all alone on campus are deeply confused about where everyone went. “Hey, why’d everybody leave?” said bamboozled student Avi Khan after emerging to a cold, desolate wasteland. “Where would everyone need to be on the last Thursday…
GANNETT HEALTH SERVICES — Representatives from Gannett Health Services report a staggeringly low number of confirmed sexually transmitted disease cases on campus for this semester, attributing the drop to a clever sex pun PSA posted in the 4th floor Donlon hallway by RA Danielle Covington ’17. “If you don’t use protection, you’re a goner(rhea)!” exclaimed…
LOW RISE 7- Reports are indicating that freshman Kendra McKnight, who recently took up residence in a Low Rise 7 triple, is completely unaware that her two roommates, Diana Mathews and Bridget Gold, requested to live with one another. Mathews and Gold were surprised to learn that McKnight had been assigned to their room as…
