ROBERTS HALL—The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences announced Friday that is will soon offer a new major for those who want to farm, but also want to put their animals through tremendous pain. “Chicken nuggets taste better after the chickens were smashed in the face with a crowbar,” explained proponent Amelia Reddick ‘20. “Watching…
by Associate Dean of Students Charlotte Beaufort When the Black Students United group came forward with their demand to change the name of the Cornell Plantations, citing the racial undertones that ‘plantations’ conveyed, the Board of Trustees had a long discussion of what to do. We eventually decided that, yes, the name should and would…
Student’s were shocked to find a 4,000-word, multi-colored rant in their mailboxes Monday morning. The email, sent around 4:00am, was written by Denice Cassaro, Cornell’s Associate Director for Student Leadership, Engagement and Campus Activities. Cassaro is most well known for sending weekly emails to freshman listing campus and community activities. Although CU Nooz was not…
Can’t remember an equation? Just write it on your hand! When attending a professor’s office hours, come prepared with at least 5 questions and bribes. Use fun mnemonic or religious tricks to remember formulas, like SOCATOA or WWJD Vague or long winded responses usually warrant at least half credit. Tear up the paper of the…
BAKER ARCH—This morning President Martha Pollack announced that the University will begin immediate construction on an ambitious $100 million gorge which will connect Fall Creek to Cascadilla. “While I understand that some students may want these millions of dollars to go to our underfunded mental health services or our critical lack of housing,” said President…
DAY HALL- The holiday season is in full swing for Cornellians, many of whom spent a portion of their Thanksgiving holiday in New York City, watching the Big Red hockey team trounce the UConn Huskies 6-0 at Madison Square Garden. The Frozen Apple, a longstanding tradition that unites Cornell students, their families, and generations of…
HO PLAZA — Senior Nathaniel Morrison will never have to pay the new Student Healthcare Fee, but nonetheless indicated today that he would be “down to riot.” Last Thursday night, President Skorton introduced a new $350 health care fee for students not on the Student Health Insurance Plan (SHIP) designed to improve access to Gannett…
COLLEGETOWN- Due to the success of their Wednesday night Fishbowls special, Collegetown bar Level B has announced the creation of a themed drink for every night of the week based around various household objects and containers. “If I’ve learned anything in my time at Level B, it’s that people love drinking, but they hate drinking…
TRIPHAMMER ROAD — A coalition of fraternities has purchased a tanker truck of beer to be shared among Cornell’s frats during pledge season. This unprecedented effort will save thousands of dollars on the millions of gallons of beer that the frats collectively purchase during the semester. “I know this is sorta making history, and it…
DONLON- As classes have started for students, reports indicate that all male freshmen are currently trying to figure out their masturbation schedules. “I know Peter has a lab every Monday night, so that might be a good time, though there may be other people on the floor at that time,” said Daniel Winters ’18 while…
