LOS ANGELES, CA — Hollywood has been abuzz this week as legendary director Steven Spielberg has announced he will be directing his new film Archaeology 2140 on Cornell University’s campus, starring none other than Academy Award-Nominated Actor Harrison Ford. Amblin Entertainment reports principal photography will begin next semester on-location in Uris Hall, with the film…
Click to see enlarged bracket Vote here! It’s the FINAL FOUR! Call up your brothers, your sisters, your mams, your paps, even your ol’ Uncle Dennis… because it’s VOTING TIME! We will be accepting responses for this round until noon tomorrow ET, 4/3. So that’s right folks, make sure your Uncle D leaves Denny’s early…
Following the Supreme Court decision this past Friday legalizing gay marriage in all 50 states, honor student Timothy Adler ’17 and notorious bad-boy Bradley announced their intention to get engaged, much to the chagrin of Adler’s mom. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very accepting of my son and I’m thrilled about the SCOTUS decision that…
MILSTEIN HALL—Armed with SPF 3000, aviator sunglasses, and obnoxiously large hats, hordes of brave architecture students took to the streets with the product of 6 weeks of even less human contact than had they been under quarantine. “It burns!!” Daniel Thomas ‘23 cried as he ran to take shelter from the sun’s unforgiving rays under…
BARTELS HALL—In a move that many students and staffers have deemed “confusing” and “kind of creepy,” Cornell’s new guidelines to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 included a suggestion that students undergoing surveillance tests should stare directly at their tester as they count down from ten. “I was confused when the latest email from Cornell…
There are two things in this world I love: drinking a nice pint of Guinness and giving the bird to the Republic of Ireland. So, when a friend of mine informed me that every time I slam back a brewski in a plastic four-leaf clover glass today I am disrespecting Irish culture, I did a…
GANĘDAGǪ: HALL—The university’s geriatric student population—namely the surviving members of the Class of 2026—erupted this week after learning about new residence guidelines prohibiting the processing of wild game in communal spaces. “No game‽” cried Archibald Hairloss ‘26, a long-time Cornellian known to frequent North Campus. “Dudee, I remember Skully, who’s fuckin crazy by the way,…
COLLEGETOWN– According to sources, senior Colin Atkins urinated himself after a night of excessive drinking late Saturday night, and would be considered a fully-grown adult with the corresponding responsibilities in many cultures. The inebriated student reportedly “shotgunned like eight or ten beers with his bros” and, if he lived in many second or third world…
ITHACA, NY- Crossing between the statues of Ezra Cornell and A.D White, on a date with Tami Carr ’15 Saturday evening, Louis Owens 16’ was surprised to see the two statues stand up, stroll towards one another, and shake hands in the middle of the arts quad. “This is ridiculous” Owens reportedly stated with a…
HIGH RISE 5- Reports indicate that Simon Blackwell ’18, after completely unpacking his belongings into his dorm room and walking back with his parents out to the car, was given cryptic, nearly incomprehensible advice by his father. “Now look son, college is a new stepping stone in your life. You can step on it, give…
