ITHACA- Following his completion of pre-enroll, varsity hockey player Tucker Maclin ’15, announced his excitement at the fact that next semester he will, like all previous semesters, be receiving a 4.0 GPA . This incredible feat will be accomplished while taking a substantial 18 credits, only having classes on Wednesdays, and with the stipulation that…
OLIN — During an important study period before the last week of classes, Charlie Hodges ’19 was rudely interrupted with a barrage of affectionate texts from his mother, sent randomly and without context on the second Sunday in May. “Dusting your bookshelves and found your old copy of Peter Rabbit!! Remember when you made me…
STATLER HALL–In a state of heart-pounding distress, School of Hotel Administration sophomore Franklin Terkinler ‘24 Googled the ingredients necessary to make a cobb salad in order to create flashcards for his upcoming prelim in HADM 4320: Contemporary Healthy Foods. “After I stupidly identified couscous as quinoa this past prelim, I really need to do well…
Cornell Dining announced earlier today that Okenshields greeter David Sepulveda, commonly known as “Happy Dave,” has elevated into a higher level of being. Having been happy for so long, he has developed an understanding of the universe incomprehensible to other humans. As a result, he has transformed into a creature of the higher dimensions. “Dave…
BRADFIELD HALL—The Cornell Meteorology department announced this morning the development of a new, original comment about the weather, stemming from a 2-year long study. “Everyone knows the usual, inane comments about the weather we hear all the time. ‘Classic Ithaca, it’s raining again,’ and ‘Holy shit, it’s so cold,’” described Earth and Atmospheric Sciences professor…
MILSTEIN HALL—Area architecture major Juliet Brimwire ‘21 has enthusiastically emerged from her annual 18-week-long spring studio stint, eager to reconnect with the world beyond her drafting table. “Every March, once I get into the thick of the semester, I’ll commit to turning off all of my electronics and not leaving Milstein Hall until I conclude…
WILLARD-STRAIGHT HALL – Denice Cassaro lay awake all night haunted by the specter of a bored student who, in the absence of any fun events on campus, just went to bed early. “I’ve worked so hard to make sure that students are aware of the fun, engaging community events happening around them at all times…
COLLEGETOWN– It was a typical afternoon for Bradley Worcestershire IV, ‘23 when a trip for a salted caramel frappuccino came to halt upon discovering that the Starbucks on College Ave was closed due to an ongoing labor strike being waged by its workers. “It was odd, bro. I couldn’t really get why the workers were…
COLLEGETOWN—In the era of cinematic universes and album series, it can be difficult to find an attraction that is a standalone, original body of work. Each week it would seem a new follow-up to something emerges onto the scene and staying in the loop has only become more challenging. Franchises have dominated our culture, from…
