ARTS QUAD—For a rare few at the Cornell Daily Sun, journalism centers around the noble pursuit of disseminating knowledge to the public. The task of educating and informing the student body is not an easy one, so when Sun writer Davis Gardner ‘27 was first asked to write an article, he instead turned to his…
WHITE HALL–English Major Richard Jameson ‘24 has been thriving and successful in both his academics and social life, despite having what he and others describe as a “Bullshit Major.” Biology Major Sammi Reidy ‘24 has expressed dismay at her friend’s overall joy and excessive freetime. “His passion for what he does, and his lively, healthy…
A CHILDHOOD HOME—Hosting Thanksgiving is an all-hands-on-deck affair. Mother of three Linda Lewis is especially grateful for how her adult children have stepped up and lent a helping hand to the preparations. Eldest daughter Anna picked up relatives from the airport and went grocery shopping, youngest child Sylvia deep-cleaned the living room and kitchen, and…
BARTELS HALL—After an embarrassing hearing on Capitol Hill failed to provide satisfactory answers, an internal government review found that no social media apps could ever possibly interact with Cornell’s wireless network. “I have to say I was concerned TikTok could somehow access Cornell’s Wi-Fi and gain access to the research we conduct on that campus,”…
COLLEGETOWN–Noah Adamson ‘25, a new initiate at Delta Phi Chi fraternity, had hoped that his earthly horrors would cease after the pledging process. Yet, Noah’s mortal suffering has only heightened after a slightly-more-disturbing-than-normal Darty experience. After crushing 3 soapy cherry flavored white claws, Noah claims to have been spoken to by a burning keg. Our…
STUDENT CENTER — Thousands of members of the class of 2020 attempted to enroll in the 10:10 lecture of Introductory Macroeconomics this morning, however they found it filled up too quickly and oh boo hoo you sad fucks, you didn’t get a class you wanted. “Now that I’ve been locked out of one class for…
ITHACA—Shortly after telling students of his MAE 2020 course, “I’m just going to close my eyes for a bit,” Professor Robert Wiggins quickly passed away Friday morning, abruptly ending the 8 AM lecture. “It’s such a shame that it happened, and I’m sure dying on camera for hundreds to see is pretty tragic,” claimed Alicia…
ITHACA—After a scandal caused almost entirely by their own decisions, Cornell Republicans have raised concern that they are being discriminated against simply because of their complete lack of empathy for their classmates. “Race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and so many more things can lead to groups becoming marginalized,” mentioned a member of the campus political…
THE COMMONS—To accommodate those observing Yom Kippur this Saturday, Ithaca’s 35th Apple Fest will offer apple-scented candles for sad fasting Jews. “We’re happy to satisfy all religious needs,” said community organizer Lori White with a welcoming smile. “There’s nothing like smelling the essence of what everyone else is blissfully eating to make you atone for…
Hey Cornell Daily Sun, You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a perfectly natural problem that happens to every publication with a functional web presence. You just couldn’t get it up. Look, we get it, you had a long day, you’re under a lot of stress from all that reporting you’ve been doing, and…
