Guy Working in Department of Job Stability and Secure Income Starting to Get a Bit Worried

WASHINGTON D.C.—The actions of the Trump administration have left many federal workers confused and anxious about their futures. With previously indispensable positions being eliminated left and right, even those in seemingly stable fields have started to worry. For the first time, Andy Galeano of the Department of Job Stability and Secure Income has started to…

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Professor Begs Students to Make “Very Informed Decision” About Turning In Their Homework

MALOTT HALL—In a passionate display of wishy-washy spinelessness, math professor Audrey Cook took the first twenty minutes of her morning lecture to plead with her students to really, really think about whether they should bother handing in their homework. “Listen, I know you all cheered last week when I said you didn’t have to do…

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