ROCKEFELLER HALL—Elena Davis ‘26 has been turning heads all over campus with a recent addition to her laptop stickers collection: a bisexual pride flag. The holographic pink, purple, and blue stripes are pasted just above her Hozier sticker and to the left of a Cornell Outdoor Education decal. Davis believes this revelation came as a…
CENTRAL CAMPUS–An ordinary Monday morning lecture experienced an extremely welcome interruption when a once-considered eradicated disease reappeared right in Kennedy Hall. Harry Swanson ’27 (god willing) was spotted sporting a feverish glow as well as dozens of blood-and-puss-filled scabs blanketing every inch of his body. “COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK HACK HACK,” said Swanson,…
The chicken panini is set on the coffee table and I feel a weight sink down into the black faux leather beside me. This is a declaration of war.
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL一Showing up late to class for the 3rd time this week, so-called Government major Davos Spalding ‘25 seemed surprised to learn that all this talk about “Infrastructure Bill” was centered around a piece of legislation and not, as he had expected, a burly, brolic, big-biceped railway engineer who’d earned the nickname through his…
PHILLIPS HALL—Students were left horrified this Tuesday after senior lecturer Timothy Ostgarden paused his 8 am lecture to remark, “Now, I’m not sure if they’ll let me say these days,” before embarking on a thirty minute screed against women, minorities, the LGBT community, and the Irish. “I’m disappointed in Dr. Ostgarden, to be honest,” said…
URIS HALL—This morning, during the 10:10 lecture for Intro to Cognitive Science, a single student sacrificed his class grade for a piece of pure comedy gold: Jamie McCannon ‘19 answered C on a True/False iClicker question, bringing the lecture hall to its knees in laughs. “I never thought there could be so much beauty in…
ROCKEFELLER HALL—During his Intermediate Quantum Mechanics lecture, Professor Zhao urged his students not to hold back and to ask questions about anything they’re unsure about, unless, of course, he can’t answer the question himself. “Come on, guys,” Zhao said, finishing an illegible problem on the board, “You can ask me any question you can think…
