FEENEY WAY—Amidst the latest influx of admitted students and their families, parents John Olin Jr. ‘66 and Helen Reincehart Olin ‘97 proved to be particularly pretentious. Though the buildings bearing their name make up less than one percent of the campus’ total construction, their attitudes seemed to indicate that they had bankrolled the entire university.
“There ought to be Hotelies laying down before me that I might step across their backs as I walk across my campus,” muttered a disgruntled Olin Jr., “only thing they’re good for anyway. And another thing. Used to be, a man could get a palanquin when he wanted one. But you know these young people today,” he continued, motioning towards a nearby group of sophomores, “nobody wants to work anymore.”
As the couple made their way through campus, son in tow, they continued to make their presence, and their displeasure at the “beggarly state of things,” well known. “Make way for your betters!” shouted Olin Jr. at a student standing at a bus stop before running them over with his maplewood walker. “Pardon,” added Helen, before putting her cigarette out on the unsuspecting student’s backpack. Not one to forgo common courtesy, the audacious pair were sure to tip the student with a crisp $5 bill.
“Jesus Christ, I think I’m going to have to transfer,” remarked John Olin III ‘27. “They’re totally out of line. Sure, we’re entitled to a bit of snobbery. Asking the Okenshield’s worker for a fresh batch of caviar, that’s well above board. But this is too far,” continued Olin III. “I mean, all we have is one ugly library and another building down on the bad side of Ho Plaza. We’re certainly no McGraw’s, and we’re barely better than the Bradfields if I’m being honest.”
At press time, Olin III was seen aiding his father in the desecration of a memorial to “that no good bastard” Harold Uris after realizing that he was not interested in paying his own tuition.
