LINDEN AVE—Every weekend closest to St. Paddy’s Day, the student body takes to the streets to drink, party, drink, and drink some more. The resulting mix of vomit, alcohol, and the odd spray of urine creates a muddy sludge that would repulse the average sober person. However, this same sludge has proven irresistible to the hordes of drunken testosterone-pumped individuals, overcome with the desire to wrestle their classmates in the mud.
The torch of this mud-wrestling tradition has been carried on this year by these disgusting characters. However, this year, someone new has taken a rather unusual approach.
“It was about 3 pm, so the streets were pretty empty,” said witness, Emile Cho ‘26. “He found a particularly wet patch of ground and just started rolling in it, alone.”
The unnamed individual in question was spotted by several revelers, absolutely covered head-to-toe in mud. Typically, mud-wrestles involve an instigator and at least two participants, but this local deviant seemed to enjoy the mud all by himself.
“He seemed… happy,” commented another witness, Elijah Rhodes ‘28. “I mean, he seemed like he was having a better time than those other mud-covered guys, so if it works for him then I guess that’s fine?”
Onlookers were confused, but hesitated to interrupt the man for further clarification. Perhaps his unconventional approach serves as an example to the rest of us, to have courage to enjoy the things we love, even if we must go it alone.
