URIS GARDEN– Robert Frost reports that the woods are not, in fact, as “lovely, dark, and deep” as he once believed after eating absolute shit on the treacherous pathway from Uris Hall just this past week.
When the quaint classrooms of Uris Hall failed him in his search for poetic inspiration, Frost turned to the garden right outside and yet again took “The Road Not Taken.” Arms flailing back and forth, feet struggling to catch a grip on the criminally unsalted mud, Frost contorted in the air for ages before finding himself sprawled out on the ground, having indeed eaten shit.
“I have promises to keep,” Frost lamented as he struggled to rise from the dirt of the deceptively beautiful garden. Wet and cold, he was caught looking around to see if he had been noticed before quickly limping away. He reportedly slid deep into the garden creek and now has “miles to go before he sleeps” with little hope of making it back to campus.
At press time, Frost was seen with a puddle of melted snow under his chair in Olin Library drafting a new poem, “The Road Shit Eaten,” a warning to all to be published before winter’s end.
