DAY HALL—Interim President Michael Kotlikoff has announced the formation of a new tusk force to study the possibility of buying some super awesome elephants.
According to a campus-wide email sent earlier today, the Presidential Tusk Force to Explore the Purchase of a Bunch of Really Cool Elephants was created to “examine critical questions concerning how and when Cornell should act institutionally on matters of megafauna in general and proboscidea in particular.”
Spearheaded by Deputy Provost Avery August, professor of immunology in the College of Veterinary Medicine, the tusk force’s guiding philosophy is based on the inherent coolness of the charismatic animals and Kotlikoff’s personal desire to acquire “at least… a few of the big guys.”
Reportedly, Kotlikoff had initially wanted the tusk force to focus on purchasing some sick saber-toothed tigers, but changed his mind after learning they were extinct.
