ITHACA, NY—Following the expiration of a contract between Cornell and Flock Safety earlier this month, seven privately-operated surveillance cameras are expected to be disconnected and removed from campus. To prevent high-traffic areas from being left unmonitored, University administrators have proposed a novel and cost-effective alternative.
“So basically, I have an SUV,” explained Cornell President Michael Kotlikoff while entering his car. “Check this out. There’s a screen in this thing. It has a camera feed that tells you when criminals, you know, like pedestrians, are around. They come in swarms like locusts in a biblical plague, but with some gentle persuasion of the gas pedal, they miraculously disappear. Now ain’t that something?”
Safety experts believe that strategically positioning Kotlikoff near major intersections can, at times, be even more effective than a traditional surveillance system.
“It’s amazing what Kotlikoff can do with that car of his. Sometimes less really is more,” remarked security consultant Marianna Kowalska. She explained that the downside to large-scale surveillance systems is that they are often perceived as invasive by the average person: “Everyone is talking about Flock. People feel like those cameras step on their toes, whereas at Cornell, we much prefer to gently roll over them. Without an obvious enemy like Flock, people tend to be more compliant.”
Kowalska concluded that having a familiar face watching over the campus can ‘gently’ discourage disruptive behavior. “Whatever type of scoundrel you are… protestor, pedestrian, or otherwise, you will most certainly quiver in fear when you hear the hoofbeats of Kotlikoff’s chariot.”
