CASCADILLA HALL—A White House announcement last Monday suggested that acetaminophen, commonly branded as Tylenol, is a leading cause of autism. The announcement sent shockwaves through the dating app community, members of whom are already adapting to the news.
Local single Eric Pilgrim ‘28 immediately went on Hinge to announce that he “didn’t mind a little acetaminophen in his women” in his prompt, hoping it would lead to more dates with women with dyed hair who may be bisexual but not in a way that threatens him.
The tactic managed to trick Ana Flowers ‘28, who didn’t read through all of his prompts. “Why would he care about a non-opiate pain reliever and fever reducer used for effective pain management?” she wondered. “I’m sure it’s because he cares a lot about people’s well-being.”
Pilgrim and Flowers watched 500 Days Of Summer together on Sunday, where they argued about whether Summer was the villain.
