WASHINGTON, DC— The Trump Administration has cut over $1.4 billion in National Science Foundation (NSF) grants, leaving many researchers with limited options to fund their work. OnlyFans, the often-X-rated video subscription service, has recently formed a 501(c)(3) foundation to award research funding to universities, emerging as an unconventional academic hero.
“Middle-aged men won’t allocate money to study cancer, but they will fork up their cash for feet videos,” Chief Philanthropy Officer Dina Waters stated. “Little do our subscribers know, their horniness is inadvertently helping to pioneer the breakthrough research of tomorrow.”
In their eyes, OnlyFans executives told reporters, academic funding has been too influenced by sex offenders like Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein. The motivation for their Fund was born out of a need for “sex-positive grant funding.”
“My home institution’s grant office was understandably a little apprehensive about helping my lab apply for the OnlyFans Fund,” remarked PI Dr. Terrence Finch. “But once they discovered the OnlyFans Fund covers a significant percentage of indirect F&A costs, they were all in.”
Understanding the potential taboos of accreditation, OnlyFans is not demanding grant recipients to put their logo or name on research output. Instead, they require a simple acknowledgement at the beginning of any paper of presentation stating, “Sex sells, and also saves the world.”
