Yesterday, Lindsay and I went grocery shopping at Wegmans together, so clearly we are in an incredibly serious relationship. When I first met her, I had no idea we would end up being soulmates. We were doing childish things like kissing in private, talking about things that weren’t us, and living independent lives. But now,…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Student Assembly Freshman Representative Maria Solis ‘21 is reportedly deciding between looking to identify and implement solutions that fight all forms of racism and bigotry on campus, or to lobby for a 7% increase in forks at Robert Purcell Marketplace Eatery. “Both issues are critically and equally important to the freshman class,” said…
Not to be outdone by the annual “Men of Vet School” calendar, the cows at Cornell’s School of Veterinary Sciences have put out their own sultry offering just in time for Valentines Day. Entitled simply, “ Bovine of Vet School” the calendar, in which twelve half naked heads of cattle bare all for the world to see,…
Oh, what’s that? Did I go abroad? Oh yes, I studied abroad. Where was I? Well, my home base was Seville, but like, I traveled EVERY weekend. What was my favorite city? I mean, that’s such an unfair question. Deciding between strolling down the Champs-Élysées in Paris or taking in the Trevi Fountain in Rome…
My name is Paul Goodman and I am, in fact, in a secret society. That’s right — I’m in Quill and Dagger. I really want to emphasize that though I am actively telling you that I am in a secret society, I really would appreciate if you kept this information to yourself. I’m only telling…
WARREN HALL—After attending a seminar on “sticking around in the business world” at a networking event, Dyson freshman Cooper Waldingham promptly Super Glued himself to the nearest important-looking person he could find and broke into an ill-rehearsed and pun-laden elevator pitch. “I guess we’re stuck with each other now, huh?” said a winking Waldingham to…
MORRILL HALL—Earlier today, Professor A. Maximus Swaddlebottom sauntered into his 10:10am lecture this morning, claiming he was “totally stoked, fellas” about the previous weekend’s release of The Avengers: Infinity War. “Yeah, I went into it thinking that the Angry Raisinet Man was probably gonna try to eat the moon, but let me just say…he did…
CARPENTER HALL—For the first time in my entire college career, I have walked away from office hours with absolutely nothing to show for it. Never in my life have I felt more betrayed. Did the TA really think I dragged my ass across campus in 8-degree weather on a Friday night, when I could’ve been…
BAKER LAB—While taking a brief break from writing a song parody about organic chemistry that will serve as the final project in an upper-level course, chemistry major Donny Ramirez ‘23 remarked on his enjoyment of how “real” college feels relative to prior educational experiences. “I really love how much college prepares you for the workforce,”…
MANN LIBRARY- Students across campus have been hard at work preparing for the upcoming prelim in GOVT 4330: Intro to ‘House of Cards,’ oftentimes spending many consecutive hours watching the most recent season of the Netflix original drama. “I’ve been so busy this week with all my classes. I had to watch six episodes of…
