by Associate Dean of Students Charlotte Beaufort When the Black Students United group came forward with their demand to change the name of the Cornell Plantations, citing the racial undertones that ‘plantations’ conveyed, the Board of Trustees had a long discussion of what to do. We eventually decided that, yes, the name should and would…
In a leak of confidential documents released by an unknown source, Cornell secret society Quill & Dagger has been found to be a musical theatre and dance troupe. The society, which has been at Cornell since its founding in 1893, is known for tapping influential members on campus like athletes, club presidents and Mezzo-Soprano singers….
NORTH CAMPUS – Many long-held prayers were finally answered as students were met with dryers that did about as much drying as throwing a towel in the Pacific Ocean upon entering the laundry room to do their first batch of laundry for the semester. “I’m glad the university is finally taking steps towards the things…
MORRISON DINING–As rush came to a close and Cornell’s myriad of Greek life organizations made their final bids, several fraternities found themselves still in search of new members. “We were expecting a real jungle juice of pledges,” said Gentry Lancaster ‘25, president of Phi Omega Omega. “But, bro, we barely got a shot’s worth. Most…
Over the weekend university officials in the Undergraduate Admissions Office and the Office of Academic Diversity Initiatives revealed their new method of admitting students to create a class that is “100% diverse”. The new admissions scheme, starting with the Class of 2018, aims to make the incoming student body exactly mirror the racial, geographic, and economic…
Ithaca NY—After many of her friends returned to campus from their marvelous spring break adventures around the globe, one pathetic student actually enjoyed her time staying in Ithaca over the break. Even though she never drank the finest wines or had passionate flings with the hottest men the world had to offer, Sarah Waller ‘21…
Hey, I see you on our website right now. What are you doing? You’re supposed to be studying for finals. Get the fuck back to studying for finals. No! What are you doing? You’re still reading this. You think this is funny? The final counts for like 30% of your grade. Stop reading this and…
STATLER HALL—Between bouts of violent, uncontrollable coughing characteristic of either a mild seasonal pollen allergy or the novel coronavirus, senior hotelie Milton Dyer lamented his springtime sniffles. “My allergies are so annoying this time of year,” said Dyer as he audibly struggled to catch his breath. When passed a paper cup of Bordeaux in Wines…
BAKER HALL — Nearly a week after the staff and faculty pre-enrollment period, Assistant Professor Justin Wilson found that he was still on the waitlist to teach General Chemistry for the upcoming spring semester. “I just kind of hate my life right now,” said Dr. Wilson, continuously hitting the ‘refresh’ button on the InstructorCenter homepage. “I was so ready…
Find your favorite charter. Attend your 1:25 class. Dress up Ezra and A.D. White’s corpses for the Sesquicentennial Bring A.D. White and Ezra Cornell to the Cornell Dairy Bar and demand three free ice creams. Order the whole menu at CTB and tell them Ezra will take care of it. Take Ezra Cornell to Day…
