MEWS HALL – After arriving on campus and bidding tear-filled goodbyes to her parents, incoming Cornell freshman Danielle Fischer ‘20 allegedly considered herself ready to take on major responsibilities, just a few months after needing to ask her high school Spanish teacher for permission to use the bathroom. “Now that I’m officially a college student,…
I loved my time in Cornell’s College of Engineering. It was fundamental toward my growth as a human being and as a career-oriented undergraduate; some of the kindest, most intelligent Cornellians I’ve met have been my peers studying engineering. That said, the whole College of Engineering is despicable, and we should just get rid of…
Listen, Cornell, these past eight years have been great. I mean, like, really great. But I just feel like we’re going in circles. Right now I’m looking for someone who can help me grow, and grow with me, someone like…oh, I don’t know, an official United States museum network. It’s the same thing every year,…
ITHACA, NY-Upon returning to campus this week, freshmen were surprised to learn that this semester would also be cold. “Of course I had heard a lot about Ithaca’s infamous winters, but I figured the spring semester would be warmer,” said Francesca Napoli ’17, whose hometown of Millburn, New Jersey features four distinct seasons. “I typically…
The chicken panini is set on the coffee table and I feel a weight sink down into the black faux leather beside me. This is a declaration of war.
HO PLAZA — The Cornell campus was on high alert at 11 p.m. last night when a horde of squirrels went into a frenzy through campus after the Squirrel Watching Club neglected its duties during finals week to watch squirrels for radical behavior. “We acknowledge our shortcomings, and we apologize,” said Elizabeth Harvey ’16, president…
OKENSHIELDS 一 Let me paint you a picture. There I am, alone, in Okenshields on a Tuesday night, preparing for a hearty meal in the line for stir fry and rice. My mind is wholly on food, and I am ravenous. My plan, executed to perfection numerous times hence, is to grab my meal, retreat…
ITHACA, NY — CU Nooz was first on the scene as Cornell student Maria Davis, ’16, bustled into Olin Library appearing stressed and disheveled. Reports indicate that Davis has a great deal of work to do this week. The amount of work that the Sophomore is grappling with must surely be a uniquely enormous case,…
COLLEGETOWN – After leaving his internship at Microsoft and starting his fall semester, rising senior Ross Silversmith reportedly misses being paid to sit on his ass all day at work now that he’s back at school sitting on his ass and earning no money. “I miss my time as an intern on a stipend, when…
MEWS HALL—Last Saturday, Daphne Smythe ‘25 suddenly awakened in the middle of the night to see a hooded figure holding a chalice filled with a mysterious red liquid loudly chanting Latin hymns outside her dorm room window. “I know who’s behind this malicious threat!” Smythe declared triumphantly. “It must be that darn Daphne Smithe in…
