KLARMAN HALL—Following the debate over whether to change Cornell policy on graduate student relationships with professors, History professor and thesis advisor Corbin Mantelfield ‘77 appeared to be a little too eager to meet with all of his young advisees regarding their theses. When informed about the proposed policy changes, Mantelfield’s advisee Gracie Smertel ‘18 remarked,…
OLIN HALL—With graduation just around the corner, ChemE Abe Duncan ‘17 eagerly anticipates starting his job as a process engineer at Kraft Singles Cheese Plant in Springfield, Missouri. “After four years of grueling advanced science courses, hours upon hours spent completing problem sets, and somehow surviving Thermo, I’m super excited to use my acquired skills…
NOOZ HQ- Sources are reporting that following the events of Slope Day on Thursday, several hungover CU Nooz reporters are struggling to write some fucking article about anything, literally just anything. “Ugh, fuck my head,” claimed one writer holding his head in his hands and periodically taking small sips from a water bottle. “I have…
DAY HALL—After Student Assembly Resolution 15 requested that Cornell Health employ a gynecologist, administration responded with an elaborate and comprehensive response refuting any obligation they might have to grant healthcare to their students. “No,” claimed President Martha Pollack when asked whether the university could pay for an M.D. gynecologist as part of Cornell Health. When…
COLLEGETOWN–Last Saturday, advanced physical and chemical engineering principles of mechanics and electronics major Sean Lite ‘23 spent four hours changing the dead lightbulb above his bed. “I’ve never been very ‘electrically motivated,’” explained Lite. “But I really thought this would be simple. You just yank the bulb out with a good amount of force, and…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Monday’s already droll introduction to anthropology lecture grinded to a halt yet again due to another one of Kevin’s pedantic questions. To the annoyance of the entire class, the question launched the formerly on-topic professor into a complete and thorough examination of the various hypothetical scenarios and well thought out concerns raised by…
CLARA DICKSON HALL – In a desperate attempt to impress his peers, Jonah Brockston ’24 tried to highlight just how many people he has interacted with by changing his background to a quarantine room in Statler. “It could’ve been from that massive party I went to this weekend at that one fraternity with all the…
ROCKVILLE CENTRE, NY- Rising Junior Gabriela Ramos has entered a state of panic caused by her inability to reasonably justify the fact that she knows nothing about the current tense state of affairs in the Middle-Eastern country of Iraq. “During the academic year, I can usually brush off things like this by saying I’m too…
DAY HALL — A recent report by the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights, which named Cornell the university with the highest number of active Title IX investigations, has landed atop a growing heap of Title IX emails in the university’s spam folder. “Initially, I was pleasantly surprised by how bare the Cornell…
ITHACA, N.Y. — I’m no address connoisseur, but I’ve always been an avid fan of the Cornell Daily Sun’s journalism. Ever since I opened my first newspaper, I’ve developed an unhealthy addiction to their integrity, professionalism, and of course, their relevant reporting. To express my appreciation, I decided to rank the top 10 addresses of…
