GOLDWIN SMITH HALL–Last Tuesday, students in Professor Stephen Winslow’s Intro to Ethics and Philosophy class were debating the merits of DuBois’ double-consciousness theory during an 11:00 AM discussion section when a comment from one student raised some eyebrows. The student, Sheldon Morestead ‘28, was commenting on the black struggle in America when he uttered a…
CARPENTER HALL—A new report released by the College of Engineering reveals that for the first time since the university’s founding, women comprise 50% of Engineering enrollment and an unprecedented 10% of talking time in class. “It’s incredible, I’m surrounded by women in every class I go to now—and one even talked in my algo lecture…
LOW RISES – In what has been widely regarded as a violation of students’ rights, the Cornell administration has decided to demolish the Low Rise dorms in anticipation of Cornell Days this weekend to improve first-impressions prospective students have of North Campus. “We just want to make sure visitors get the best possible experience and…
ITHACA, NY – Confusion and fear filled North Campus early this morning, when a fire started in Unit 1 of the all-girl’s dorm Balch Hall. Sources report that the cause of the fire, a mystery at first, is now being attributed to the ridiculous hotness of Balch babes. A creepy Ithaca fireman at the scene…
DAY HALL—Ahead of Cornell Days, when incoming students tour campus and overcrowd Morrison Dining, President Michael Kotlikoff was spotted power washing political messages written in chalk. The messages, placed there by Students for a Democratic Cornell to protest Cornell’s connections to ICE and Trump, were unceremoniously replaced with hopscotch courts hand-drawn by Kotlikoff with Crayola…
ITHACA- Around 11:29 a.m. Monday, Mayor Svante Myrick stepped on a Lego brick and proceeded to scream “Fudge!” at the top of his lungs while cradling his foot. The incident occurred while the mayor was jumping from couch to couch in his office and waving a cardboard sword. The brick in question is thought to…
MALOTT HALL—’Tis the season of Christmas and finals! To gift his physics students a smidgen of holiday cheer, Professor Jason McDougal snuck in a silly little reference to Santa Claus in the middle of his grueling 256-question final exam. “The kids deserve something fun, after crying their eyes out for half the test!” McDougal explained…
ARTS QUAD—For a rare few at the Cornell Daily Sun, journalism centers around the noble pursuit of disseminating knowledge to the public. The task of educating and informing the student body is not an easy one, so when Sun writer Davis Gardner ‘27 was first asked to write an article, he instead turned to his…
Hey there, you bright-eyed, bushy-tailed little thing. Nice to see you’ve been getting all settled into your new life here, but have you considered what you’re gonna be doing outside of class? Well if you haven’t decided yet, you should try applying to our club that we’ll probably reject you from anyways! That’s right! It…
