ITHACA- Due to the recent success of Cornell Store’s new eatery, Café Jennie, the building’s dining area will be expanded into an entire suburban-mall-style food court next semester. The installment will include a variety of worldly cuisine including a Panda Express, Arby’s, Cinnabon, Sbarro, and another Arby’s. “No one really ever came to the Cornell…
IVES HALL—Amid the aftermath of the administration’s decision to discontinue its contract with Starbucks, cheers cascaded through Ives Hall as labor organizers and union supporters alike celebrated the decision. Among the gleeful shouts, Jack Stowe’s cheers rang the loudest. “We did it!” exclaimed Stowe. “The credit for such an achievement goes out to the entire…
One of my favorite elements of life at Cornell is the diversity of subjects one can pursue. I’ve learned about so many career options that I never even knew existed before enrolling–and the kinds of suckers who go into them. Even the most seemingly humdrum and soul-sucking professions—those jobs that I could never morally compromise…
ARTS QUAD — In an effort to eventually create a campus full of the iconic timekeepers, Cornell surprised students this past weekend by planting a new, baby clock tower in the middle of the Arts Quad. “Clock towers are very rare around this area, and we saw an opportunity to increase the aesthetic diversity of…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Frank Rosen ‘25 delivered a speech to an emergency session of the Student Assembly regarding the calamitous prelim grade dropped on a Cornell sophomore earlier today. “Today, December 7, 2024—a date which will live in infamy—Eddie Kimmel ‘27 was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the TAs and professor of MATH 2130. “Kimmel was…
ROCKEFELLER HALL–In a shocking public acknowledgment of a policy that has for years gone unspoken, Facilities Management hung a “No Winter Maintenance” sign on the doors of Rockefeller Hall this Friday. Known for its 3 foot wide hallways, “acceptably low” elevator fatalities, and 1994 win of the Fans’ Choice Award from Beige Buildings USA, many…
I’m only saying it because they’re taking over RPCC for a whole day, but I think it makes sense. Like, what a dumb thing to be so obsessed with—some TV show about superheroes or British people or whatever? And to like all that nerd stuff so much that they have to have a convention all…
DAY HALL — President Elizabeth Garrett announced this past weekend the creation of the new Cornell College of Business, an amalgamation of the School of Hotel Administration, the Dyson School of Applied Economics & Management and the Samuel Curtis Johnson Graduate School of Management. This new college will serve as a revolutionary new program which…
STEWART AVENUE PARKING LOT- Cornell’s fourth annual heroin scavenger hunt was ruined last Monday after spoil sport police officers confiscated the heroin from festival organizer Roshane Henry before he and his team had the chance to hide the remaining 250 packets of heroin. “My ten year old loves the scavenger hunt. Last year she found…
COLLEGE AVE—Though Adam Valla ‘25 had high hopes for his new roommate, things have been off to a rocky start. While Valla is pretty sure that his new roommate, Clay Trop ‘24, is just a little timid, he might also desire to cut Valla up into tiny pieces. “Last week he had a friend over…
