KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Last Monday, Max Trent ‘23 and twenty of his fellow ROTC cadets boarded one of the last flights to Kabul alongside American soldiers for an enticing cultural enrichment study abroad program in Afghanistan. “I’m super excited to go to Kay-bull,” said an excited Trent, “it gets so cold here in Ithaca I’m really looking…
Graduating at the top of her class from Pebble Hill high school in 2012, Janice Ward, a sophomore in Cornell’s mechanical engineering program, had her choice of collegiate destinations. “ I was looking at Brown, and the University of Michigan, but ultimately I just felt the most comfortable here.” said Ward in her repulsive College…
MORRISON DINING–As rush came to a close and Cornell’s myriad of Greek life organizations made their final bids, several fraternities found themselves still in search of new members. “We were expecting a real jungle juice of pledges,” said Gentry Lancaster ‘25, president of Phi Omega Omega. “But, bro, we barely got a shot’s worth. Most…
MALLOTT HALL — To celebrate all the great advancements in mathematics made possible by the almighty irrational number, Cornell’s nerds are all set to throw a huge rager for Super-Pi Day on Saturday, 3/14/15. The date marks an extraordinary numerical parallel with pi to the unheard of degree of four decimal places, and the university’s…
This week, Food Science Professor Mark Chang revealed the ground-breaking results from his experiments to produce more “Instragrammable” food. Students in Chang’s graduate-level class FDSC 6350: “#NoFilter, Social Media and Food” helped to create food that looks even better when uploaded to the Internet for friends to see. The National Food Science Review is calling…
STATLER– In a scheduling mishap likely to elicit several complaints with seniors, this semester’s Wines final exam has been scheduled to finish just minutes before the school’s Tightrope Walking final deliverable. “I’m so fucked,” exclaimed one Wines student. “My palette is a little weak, so I have to drink a bit more than everyone else…
DAY HALL- The holiday season is in full swing for Cornellians, many of whom spent a portion of their Thanksgiving holiday in New York City, watching the Big Red hockey team trounce the UConn Huskies 6-0 at Madison Square Garden. The Frozen Apple, a longstanding tradition that unites Cornell students, their families, and generations of…
ITHACA, NY- Anticipating torrential rains, infestation of all crops via locusts, and crevices opening up to reveal the fiery pits of Hell, Cornell has announced that they have considered canceling classes for this Wednesday. As of now, students who have classes at times before 10 a.m. will fortunately avoid the rapture for a few more…
