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June 8, 2026
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A.D. White Professor-At-Large Finally Apprehended

Nooz Staff3 months ago3 months ago03 mins

DANBURY, CT—After decades on the run, Cornell’s Andrew D. White Professor-At-Large was located and taken into police custody earlier this morning. The disgraced ex–faculty member, formerly known as Dr. Robert LeRoy, was forced from his position after a fierce parking dispute and went on the lam in 1965. Later that year, the vengeful Board of…

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Trustee Meeting on Improving University Transparency Closed to Public

Nooz Staff7 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—In response to mounting criticism, the Board of Trustees has announced to the Cornell community that their meeting to address the matter of insufficient university transparency will be closed to the public. “We would like to reiterate to the students, faculty, and staff who form the heart of this university that we are committed…

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