KLARMAN HALL—While his peers are preoccupied with looking for jobs, Simon Rice ‘26 is getting a head start on crafting the perfect Common App Resume. Although he’s now a senior in college, his role as president of the Model UN club is sure to wow any college admissions board. “If I keep working hard while…
NORTH CAMPUS—Last month, the latest round of consulting club hopefuls had their dreams crushed by curtly written rejection emails after weeks of coffee chats, interviews, and kissing ass. With the busy life of Cornell’s young financial consultants out of the picture, these rejects have been forced to enjoy their youth instead. Levi Gonzales ‘29, a…
Perhaps you have seen their strange advertisements. Perhaps one of them has approached you, pushing their product. God forbid, perhaps a “friend” has dragged you to one of their cult-like ceremonies, and charged you money for the privilege! This problem is top of mind for many Cornellians. The instrumentless menace, the unaccompanied scourge, the A…
COLLEGETOWN—Mere days after Anime Club treasurer Carl Bergenson ‘23 submitted an appeal for a $5,000 hentai on Blu-Ray budget request following its rejection, Bergenson returned home to an anonymous hand-written note threatening to “Nevuh fuck with us again.” “Past treasurers had warned me about the fearsome SAFC and told me to watch out for…
WICHITA, KANSAS—Nearly 40 years after graduating and moving far beyond Cayuga’s Waters, Alumnus Harold Cromwell ‘79 is still on the Ukulele Club Listserv. “I’m not even in the club,” said Cromwell. “I just got roped into signing up during Clubfest my freshman year. They had Skittles, which were like the new big thing. What even…
I’m glad I have your attention. I’ve looked everywhere without any luck, and I could really use your help. Is there any chance you have my club’s Facebook page password? We created our Facebook page awhile back in the hopes that it would be a good way to gain exposure. But after a few months…
