Thursday, October 22, 2026
“I’ll See You In Court”: Student Mistakes CKB Resident’s Invitation As Legal Threat
Morrison Stir-Fry Station Switches to Cup & Ball Scam for Food Pickup
Cornell President Warns Replacing President Would Harm Cornell, Cornell President
Halloween Enthusiast Disappointed by Ithaca Wine & Spirits

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“I’ll See You In Court”: Student Mistakes CKB Resident’s Invitation As Legal Threat
Morrison Stir-Fry Station Switches to Cup & Ball Scam for Food Pickup
Cornell President Warns Replacing President Would Harm Cornell, Cornell President
Halloween Enthusiast Disappointed by Ithaca Wine & Spirits

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
Headlines

“I’ll See You In Court”: Student Mistakes CKB Resident’s Invitation As Legal Threat

Morrison Stir-Fry Station Switches to Cup & Ball Scam for Food Pickup

Cornell President Warns Replacing President Would Harm Cornell, Cornell President

Halloween Enthusiast Disappointed by Ithaca Wine & Spirits

Throbbing Hangover Headache Met With 7:45 A.M. Clocktower Rendition of “Here Comes The Sun”

“You Know, Too Much Sleep Is Actually Bad For You,” Student Tells Person-Shaped Bush

“Yeah I Was in the Hood,” Says Rich White Biology Student Misleadingly Talking About Fume Hood

Inconsiderate Asshole With No Concept of Personal Space Sits Within 5 Seats of You in Lecture Hall

Inhabitants of Local Valley Starting to Regret Construction of Hole-in-the-wall Restaurant in Hydroelectric Dam

matty van hooty

Tompkins County DA Relieved to Go Back to Dismissing Other Cases

Cornell

OP-ED: Getting Phoebe Bridgers To Perform A Virtual Concert Is The Closest Thing Cornell Has Done To Acknowledge Depression Amongst Students

Nooz Staff03 mins

ITHACA—In a stunning reversal of university policies and practices, Cornell has finally taken action to address the allegations that Cornell students disproportionately experience depression, compared to their peers at other colleges. It’s no secret that many Cornellians are overwhelmed, stressed, and/or depressed, and for decades the student body has appealed to the school to get…

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Lucifer the Prince of Darkness ‘09 Announced as Keynote Speaker on Topics in Economics

Nooz Staff02 mins

DYSON SCHOOL OF APPLIED ECONOMICS AND MANAGEMENT—On Thursday evening, University President Martha Pollack announced in an email that Cornell alum Lucifer the Prince of Darkness ‘09 will be speaking on topics in economics this semester. “Lucie is a dear friend of mine and of many other members of the Cornell community,” wrote Pollack. “His Darkness…

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“I Need A New Frank Ocean Album,” Says Student Who Actually Just Needs To Get Over His Ex

Nooz Staff02 mins

TACOMA—For the third time this month, Parker Shaw ‘23 posted a screenshot of Frank Ocean’s “Self Control” to his Instagram story, captioned “need a new Frank album ASAP.” Shaw has long awaited his musical therapy, spending the early hours of every day since August wallowing in a deep melancholy devoid of any self-awareness. “It’s gotten…

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The Votes Are In: Student Assembly Thinks Timberlands Are The Tastiest Boots To Lick

Nooz Staff02 mins

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—After a long and contentious debate period, a majority of Cornell’s governing student body voted that out of all footwear options, the tastiest by far are Timberlands. The discussion prior to the vote was marred by infighting and irregular procedure. Students wondered whether the Timberlands in question were the generic tan color and…

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