Elections
Photo credit: Annie Wang/Sun File Photo via Cornell Daily Sun
SA Elections Rocked by Controversy in Transparent Attempt to Emulate Real-Life Democracy
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—While some attribute the mismanaged Student Assembly election and subsequent re-vote to sheer ineptitude, many critics have identified the undergraduate governing body’s utter ballot-bungling as an attempt to replicate the workings of real-life democracy. In a nine-paragraph essay published to the Cornell Subreddit, election-truther George Blast ‘21 levied pointed accusations against the Assembly….
SA Candidate Takes Middle Urinal to Maximize Exposure to Voters
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL —In an effort to form as many meaningful relationships with his peers as possible, Xavier Thomas ‘19, who is running for Student Assembly Executive Undergraduate Vice Representative At-Large, unzipped his trousers and took the middle urinal in an effort to maximize voter exposure. “Hey man, what are your thoughts on healthcare quality…
OP-ED: So Is This Essay Still Due?
Hi Professor, quick question: considering yesterday was arguably one of the most nerve-wracking days of my young adult life and I stayed up until 3:00 A.M. watching friendships crumble over the future of our country, is this essay still due? I know this assignment that’s worth 15% of my final grade in this class has…
Ben Carson Mysteriously Appears on Student Assembly Ballot
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL — After dropping out of the race for the Republican nomination, retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson inexplicably showed up on the Cornell Student Assembly ballot earlier today. “When I logged on to vote, I saw Ben Carson’s shining face staring at me,” said Alex Li ‘19. “I refreshed the page and tried to…