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October 14, 2025
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Fashion Major Stressed The Fuck Out About Zipper Final

Nooz Staff3 years ago3 years ago03 mins

MARTHA VAN RENSSELAER HALL—With one day left to study, fashion design student Jennifer Suh ‘24 is freaking the hell out over her impending final with a daunting subject: Zippers. “I don’t know what the fuck I am going to do,” explained an exasperated Suh. “There is so much I have to shove inside my head…

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  • Cornell

Professor Six Chapters Behind in Lecture Going to Put All That Shit in Final Anyways

Nooz Staff4 years ago03 mins

ROCKEFELLER HALL—After a semester in which the bulk of the material was pushed to the last few days of class, Professor James Kent ‘88 has decided the best solution is to just assume all his students know it anyways and put it all in the final exam. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to this…

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  • Uncategorized

Professor Edges Naughty Class by Not Releasing Practice Prelim Until 24 Hours Before the Exam

Nooz Staff4 years ago02 mins

MALOTT HALL一Students in MUSIC 2212: History of Classical Composition were left panting in anticipation after Dr. Gregory Schreier announced that he would not release the practice prelim until the day before the exam as punishment for being very, very naughty. “In my class, if you want the practice exam, you have to earn it,” said…

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  • Uncategorized

OP-ED: Is This Going To Be on the Exam?

Nooz Staff10 years ago02 mins

Professor, I have a question. I need it answered right away, or else I won’t be able to focus. Is this particular topic going to be on the exam? Look, I know you’re teaching it to us right now. But see, here’s the problem: it’s really hard. This stuff you’re teaching us is not easy…

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